1 March 2013
This is a note to my future self. I don't have a specific time or place significant enough to dictate an opening ceremony. I don't have the answer to everything yet. I don't have some cryptic code underneath pinned within my words. I'm just writing this because I feel the need to express just how much I've neglected many aspects of my life. I feel and obligation to myself to express this to you. As cliche as it sounds, you never miss something until its gone. That's where this note of almost appreciation comes in; I need to write it down, before it all disappears. Before even my memories are corrupted. Before the cracks.
It's funny how your age starts to effect your perspective on life.
You start to notice things, little things you previously overlooked or generally didn't care about.
There are somethings that at the time didn't seem significantly wrong, but now your birthday's increased ignorance isn't a valid excuse anymore. Like dirty lyrics within a song you'd so innocently sing when you were a child or inappropriate jokes you'd hear during celebrity interviews that you didn't fully understand until much later in life.
My life is much the same, cracks started to appear that weren't there before.
Tiny fragments of information are appearing. The kind that give you a deep hollow feeling within your stomach. Its streaming in and filling the voids of my mind that I never knew existed. I've started to make minor discoveries; my parents aren't the super hero's they were before, Britney Spears is no longer my idol and growing up doesn't seem so appealing anymore.
My ignorance can't protect or help me now, I'm stranded in a world I know too much about. A world that could either make or break me. Naivety isn't an option. I'm past help.
Space. An element essential to my daily routine. It's what I've lived to loath. Like a bitter case of karma, no matter what it always comes back to bite me in the arse. A void in my existence, I'd love to kill. It's like a hollow sound buzzing around my head constantly reminding me that I'm alone and tepid enough to notice.
Now I know it's not me. I know its my life but don't get me wrong, its very confusing. I don't even know if I'm achieving anything by doing this. I guess I'm stalling. Wouldn't you if you had to tell someone about something so hugely secret in your life that not even your mother knows about?
Ok it's show time, I hear the choir loud and clear. I know what I have to say, what I need to do to make it a better. I'm projecting my life onto you and submitting information that has the power to change yours.
I Quinn Bishop have been effected by the cracks.
Cracks • Opuss № I