14 December 2011
"They were right about you" she said , while smashing the glass vase that was on the table !!! " you are cold !!! You are empty" "my head cocked to the side like a curious animal" , the look in my eyes only confirming her observation, enraging her even more , " the more she points out my darkness the more I feel it coarse threw my system , "I don't give a fuck what "they" or she thinks". being proven by my manurisums. And she continues this drama act , that could have easily have won an Oscar At this point ". "another needy whore in which I don't contain the emotional recognition she needs, to know my heart beats at all," " nevermind for her ," But here we are, the moment I'm suppose to say something meaning full, something to give her hope , but I draw blank as usual . Work it out I tell her , which only raises her level of fury .. "And all I can think is thank god for my morning fix because it's way to early to deal with this bullshit "!!!!
Time to grind !!! Step out onto congress ave NH CT , shell toed addidis with the hat to match ( what dope fiends can't have style ?) long sleeves in the summer, because I lost the option to warm up from the outside in years ago, reminding me, inside, there are parts that are cold, never mind the rails metro north laid up and down my arms over the last few years.. A buck 5 soaking wet , with the hatred of a natural disaster coarsing threw me !! " your in the the wrong neighborhood white boy !!" there's that famous smirk of mine , because that comment lets me know , I'm right where I'm suppose to be. Today will be easy , I got a clean rig , a few bucks in my pocket, and had just enough " lie " to get off empty this morning ! Now it's time to do my thing, and figure out how im gonna maintain this ................
It's 8:15 am and my phone is already ringing. The morning is a heroin fiends best and worst part of the day , best because this is your chance to get that rush every cell in your body urnes for , worst because your sickness is in full force the rest of the day is maitnence . Because people know I got the dope connect "no pun intended" Misery needs company and its my pleasure to provide it ,I feel that I'm misery incarnate at this point , par for the coarse, taking advantage of others , I'm willing to watch you hurt so I can get mine .if you were to catch on fire infront of me my heart rate wouldent even increase ,it keeps the rhythm of a war drum regardless, but I'd scramble for those pockets before your bottom half burned away . Look at my face ? If your fucking dumb enough to give me your money you deserve to get burnt , if I had the capacity i might even feel bad for you , "i chuckle to myself" . Area code 203 , ring !! Ahola mommy quatro montaga ? "20 min same spot as yesterday" she speaks to me in her broken English while I speak to her in my broken Spanglish , "honestly I don't even give a fuck what I just said as long as she comes through" , se ! Hit end and hit the street ,keep in mind drug dealers seem to have a different time on there watches than the addict, so no matter how long they say you still never know, but i will be there early . All is well in this wicked world today , you know I'm getting mine before you get yours ,All though you have a plan, I'm formulating my own , and you can rest assure my hands are in your pockets. . blood mushroom clouds like a beautiful nuclear explosion back into your syringe when you hit a vein , allowing you to get that full cleansing breath while you push that dark storm into your arm and once again you can disappear from this hell you bubble people call life , what did you think the streets are based off the movie? sorry you have it backward . we are but one in this rotten shell of humanity and trust me you and your judgements play a huge role , but I'm not innocent, judgement is a 2 way street.
Journal Entry's • Opuss № I