Time And Illusion.
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so..
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jordanlys
Just someone who lives on a tiny island on the little blue marble.
98
Stories
92
Followers
Stories by @jordanlys (98)
Space
Space, says the introduction to the guide, is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind bogglingly big it is. And so on..
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Robots And Refrigerator
Freeze. I'm a robot. I'm not a refrigerator..
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Dolphin's intelligence
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the star-spangled banner, but in fact the...
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Love
How Planets are created is like the emotion: Love. There's a little chemistry, some physics and a pinch of luck..
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The Great Wall Of China
Now I know why the Great Wall of China is 1 of 7 wonders of the world. -- It's the only Chinese product that lasted more than a century..
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Pizza
Pizza is like Sex. When it's good, it is VERY GOOD. When it is bad, it is still PRETTY GOOD..
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If..
If you fall, I'll be there. - floor..
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What's....
What's 6 inches (15.2cm )long, 2 inches (5cm) wide and drives woman wild?.
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I Remember...
I remember 2011 like it was just a few days ago..
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What's...
What's brown, oval, hairy and contains a thin, whitish liquid?.
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This Thing...
is long thin, has a collection of bristles on one end, is enjoyed by both sexes, and is inserted into a warm, wet orifice. When it's removed, it is filled with a thick, white liquid. What is it?.
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2012
Happy new year to everyone @ opuss!.
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Untitled
Wishing everyone round the world a Merry Christmas!.
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Rawr
Those that say "Rawr" means "i love you" in dinosaur obviously haven't watched Jurassic Park. It means "I'm going to effin eat you.".
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Bicycle
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired..
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Help!
Help. Need help from admins.. Someone has reported The post entitled 'bed' for inappropriate/offensive content of some sort and obviously there isn't..
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River
Q: River Ravi flows in which state. A: Liquid.
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Declaration
Q: Where was the declaration of independence signed. A: At the bottom of the page..
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Battle
Q: In which battle did Napolean die. A: His last battle..
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Tickets
All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: then you better watch out... there's a fella inside who has the job to punch tickets..
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Umbrella
Father Christmas lost his umbrella. Why didn't he get wet. It wasn't raining..
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Claustrophobic
Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of father Christmas. Doctor: you are suffering from claus-trophobia..
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Stupid Turkey
Did you hear about the stupid turkey. It was looking forward to Christmas..
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Yellow Door
Dear father Christmas, this Christmas could you send me a yellow door. Yours, Sherlock Holmes. Watson: So why do you want a yellow door, Holmes. Sherlock: Lemon-entry my dear Watson..
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Bad Santa
A little girl asked Santa to send her a little sister. And he replied with only one condition: "If you would send me your mother.".
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Birthdays
...are good for you - the more you have the longer you live..
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Potential
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break..
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Toes
If god wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees..
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Winter
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?.
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Naps
Regular naps prevent old age... Especially if you take them while driving..
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Depth
Never test the depth of water with both feet..
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Statistics
We are part of the ultimate statistics - 10/10 die..
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Office
This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting..
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Oil
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?.
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Wal-Mart
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices everyday ten why isn't anything in the store free yet?.
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Smith & Wesson
The original point and click interface..
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Shape
I'm in shape. Round is a shape isn't it?.
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Aweso
Without ME it's just AWESO..
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Fine & Taxes
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well..
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Miss Universe
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth..
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Children
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going..
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Dream
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button..
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Change
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine..
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Winning
If winning isn't everything then why do they keep the score?.
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Evening News
Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't..
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Thanks!
Thanks for the likes. Post "Deja Vu" has been made to the top post of the day. Keep liking. :).
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A Little
There's always. a little truth behind every - "I'm just kidding",. a little knowledge behind every - "I don't know",. a little emotion behind every - "I don't care",.
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Edible Stuff
Everything is edible, some things are only edible once..
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Smurfs
What colors do smurf turn when you choke them?.
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Experience
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted..
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Money
Money talks ... But all mine ever says is good-bye..
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Fire
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for the rest of the day. Set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life..
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Deja Vu
When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because god thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends..
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Bill Gates
If Bill Gates has every penny for every time I reboot my computer... Oh wait, he does..
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Skydiving
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving isn't for you..
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Rag
Does this rag smells like chloroform to you?.
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Pigs Fly
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine..
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Worrying
Worrying works. 90% of the things I worry about never happens..
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Chemistry
Laughing Gas: He He He.
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Laws Of Physics
Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off..
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Happiness
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go..
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Just Another Physics...
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end..
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Thank You
Thank you all for liking the Opusses. :) Especially those who have followed. You all are super awesome!.
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What?
The awkward moment when you've already said "what?" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree..
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Airplane Mode
I turned my iPhone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it in the air... Worst. Transform. Ever..
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Wikipedia
The awkward moment when Wikipedia copied your homework..
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Stupid People
God must love stupid people. He made SO many..
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Sleeping Pill & Laxative
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night..
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Dolphins
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them a fish?.
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Doctor
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If in an emergency, notify:" I put "doctor". What's my mother going to do?.
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Vegetarian
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian..
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Diarrhea
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean one enjoys it?.
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Entertainment
If God is watching us, the least we can do I be entertaining..
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Sex
If sex is pain in the ass then you're doing it wrong..
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Bird And The Mouse
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese..
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Children
Children: you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up..
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Children
Children: you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up..
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Knowledge
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad..
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War
War does not determine who is right but who is left..
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Growing Up
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public..
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Resources
It doesn't matter how many resource you have if you don't know how to use them, they will never be enough..
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Just Skyrim
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee..
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The 'Right Person'
People keep telling me that the 'right person' will come along. I think mine got hit by a bus or something..
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Life
Life is not about the failure you have made but it is about the amount of successes you have accomplished..
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Live, Love, Listen, Speak
Live without Pretending, Love without Depending, Listen without Defending, Speak without Offending..
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Past, Present & Future
Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrive. Live in the present and make it beautiful..
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'bed'
Today I realized that the word 'bed' actually looks like a bed..
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Agreement
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong..
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Just Physics
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear brighter until you hear them speak..
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List
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list..
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List
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list..
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List
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list..
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Church
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car..
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Church
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car..
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Sex
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer..
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Mechanics of Life
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness..
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experience
Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience..
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