15 July 2012
-NATE-
"She's having the rest of the tests" Mollie said as she walked out to see me. "I need to be in there then!" I said, rushing towards the door. "Nate, stop" she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Why? She needs me" "She needed you a few minutes ago. Why didn't you stay with her?" "I was just so upset. I still am" "I know, but she was too. She wanted to be upset with you, to feel like she was still supported, not left alone to worry about her and her baby's future. Her whole chances of being a mother are at stake here, you need to understand that her feelings are of paramount importance right now" "I never saw it like that. I need to go and apologise" "Hold it for a few more minutes. She needs to find out the outcome on her own now" We waited, staring into the glass window which was now covered with a blind. I placed a hand on the glass and closed my eyes, wishing and praying for the baby to be alright. From inside, I heard murmuring, then a dull, aching wail that caused my eyes to slam open. "Tiffany!" I said as I dashed in to see her in tears on the bed. Her hands were covering her face and she was rocking around, trying to calm herself. I grabbed her, holding her still and I cuddled her until I couldn't feel her shuddering anymore. "Nate" she wailed "I'm sorry" "Sweetie, shhh. It's not your fault. Please don't cry" I said, feeling tears welling up in my eyes again. As I closed them, holding her head against my chest, they began to trickle down my cheeks and into her hair. "Please don't leave me" she said, voice faltering. "Don't say that. I'm never leaving you. Please baby, you're making me cry" I said, sacrificing myself to my sadness. "I'm so so sorry" she wailed, burying her head in my chest and soaking my shirt with her tears. "We're going to need to induce--" the doctor began when he came back in. "I know. I don't want you to see it Nate" she said, looking straight at me through her teary eyes. "I want to support you though. Please" I said, wanting to be there every step of the way. "It's horrible, I don't want you to see it. Please just do as I say" she said, sounding deadly serious. I looked at her, not knowing what to do. "Nate. Go and wait with Mollie" she said, pointing towards the door. "Are you certain you want to do this alone?" I said, walking towards her and holding onto her hand. "Yes. Please Nate" "Okay" I said, kissing her on the head. "Call me in if it gets too painful for her, okay? And try to make it as easy as possible" I said to the doctor, leaving the room "How is she? Is she..?" she said, looking up at me. The seat beside her was coated in used tissues and her eyes were red and puffy from when she'd been crying. "Devastated. And yeah, in a few minutes" I said, slumping down in the chair and holding my head almost between my legs. She reached over and rubbed my shoulder blades, squeezing my shoulder. "And you?" My eyes filled with tears again, my mouth moving trying to form the right word to describe this intangible emotion. "Here" she said, handing me a tissue. "Thanks" I said, the first few tears beginning their descent. She hugged me close, wrapping her small arms around my shoulders and squeezing. She rested her cheek on my shoulder, and kept on holding me. I couldn't hug her back though. Everytime I felt something in my arms I thought about how it should be my child, how I should be rocking her, trying to send her to sleep. "Do you think the wedding's off?" I said, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I can't say. But probably for the moment" she said, not once moving from my shoulder. It was official: I'd lost my first, precious child and my beautiful, hurting fiancé all in a short three hours.
Love You Too: PART FIFTY NINE • Opuss № I