11 July 2012
-TIFFANY-
The journey home was a quiet one. It felt almost dangerous as Nate drove a lot slower than usual, constantly gazing at the picture of the scan on the dashboard. "Eyes on the road please" I said to him, pushing his head gently up. "Sure, sorry" he said, turning the picture over. We continued in silence, back through the midday New York traffic. Every hour was rush hour in the city, as people who commuted made up only 50% of the traffic; the rest was filled with tourists and residents like us, who travelled no matter what time of day it was. I didn't like this silence, I couldn't explain why we were so silent, but I knew it was probably on my part. Every time I saw this child it was like I could only see the negatives: never the positive effects he or she will have on my life. So, I did what I always do in a confusing situation, and I put my headphones in. I pressed shuffle on my phone and whatever song came on first was what I would listen to, and would be the song that would influence my mood for the rest of the day. I pressed shuffle, and 'Youth' by Foxes came on. The song isn't particularly sad, it's got a somewhat melancholic tone to it, but it wouldn't make me cry.
"now I'm just chasing time with a thousand dreams I'm holding heavy don't tell me our youth is running out Its only just begun"
Maybe it's just me, and maybe it's the hormones, or perhaps my interest in analysing pieces of writing; I couldn't help but see some kind of deeper meaning in these lyrics. I have a thousand dreams that are all being ripped away from me by this tiny baby. And I do feel like my youth has run out: even though I'm only 18, from now on I'll have to be a lot more mature, I'm going to be solely relied on by another human being, and I'm going to be tied down to only seeing Nate for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about both things, but I imagined my life if I did get into Columbia: I wouldn't be able to go out, as I'd have to look after the baby, I wouldn't ever be able to have a fling with a boy, as I'd be married. I rested my head on the window and looked up at the things passing us by. We were driving parallel to Times Square, catching glimpses of hoards of people milling around that central area. Even in this daylight, the lights that shone off the billboards were blinding. The electricity from this area was momentous: not only was it impossibly gaudy, but at the same time it was beautiful, empowering in a way I'd never imagined it to be before. "Stop" I said, firmly. Nate pulled over and asked what's wrong. "I'll meet you at home. There's something I want to do first" "Baby, we'll drive back later I promise" he said, starting up the engine again. "No I want to do this alone. I'll get Rad to get me a car home" I said, opening the door and stepping out. "Tiffany? Stop, I'm coming" "No you're not. Please go back. I'll be home in an hour maximum" I couldn't hear his reply as I'd already walked off, towards the hive of activity in the centre of this beautiful island. And like a moth to a flame, I was automatically drawn to the south facing board, a giant display of wealth, power and hope for the future.
Love You Too: PART FOURTY SEVEN • Opuss № I