12 June 2012
I had to go home. To Tiffany's home at least. I'd only showered in the hospital showers for two weeks and they weren't quite enough. I needed to get some more clothes and I needed to eat. I'd been skipping meals and I knew that as soon as I got back in the pool that would start taking its toll on my performance. I stepped outside and breathed in the fresh air. The sun was just rising, so I called Rad, Tiffany's door man, and asked him if he could send a car to pick me up to bring me back to her apartment. He obliged, and I then went inside to see one of the nurses to ask if it was okay.
"You know," she said "most of the time the patients are on their own anyway. Having you away for a few hours will be exactly what everyone else goes through all the time! Go on, you deserve a break" I thanked her for resting my mind which was feverishly worrying about leaving T. I left my mobile number anyway if something should happen.
I went back into her room to kiss her hand and grab the few belongings I had with me.
I stepped outside of the hospital doors for the first time in two weeks, and I saw the sun beating down on the sun drenched Tarmac of the road. The black car pulled up in forint of me, and I pulled the door open straight away, feeling a wash of nostalgia as I looked onto the back seat, where I'd sat when Tiffany stepped in that night. I can still imagine her now: floating in in her white dress, like a living goddess. I missed her, and as the driver turned to ask if I was okay, I realised I'd been stood there for a little too long.
I got in the car, tears forming in the bottom of my eyes that quivered as the car started to move. One dropped down onto my knee, but I looked up an saw the driver smiling at me.
"It's okay to cry you know. No one here will judge you" he said to me, looking back at the road.
He was right, I should let my emotions out. I'd been so focused on staying strong for Mollie and T, I hadn't even realised that I was dying to let everything out. So I did. I closed the window linking the driver's compartment to mine, and I cried and cried and cried, until the river of emotion flooding through my heart was dry.
The car slowed, and I looked out of the window, wiping a single tear from my cheek. We were outside the building that reached up into the bright blue sky, the top invisible from down here.
"Thanks," I said to the driver "would you mind waiting? I'll be back down in half an hour or so"
"Take your time, sir" he replied.
"It's Nate," I said, as I got out, smiling at him through the window.
I decided not to take the elevator, as there were too many painful memories. Instead, I took the stairs, to the horror of Rad, who knew I was going to the top floor.
After what seemed like a million floors, I reached Tiffany's floor, and I pushed the door open, knowing Rad had left it open for me. As I was just heading inside, panting and sweating profusely, Mrs V came out of the elevator.
"Mrs V? What are you doing up here?" I asked, slightly baffled by her appearance.
"I heard you were here today, and I wanted to come and talk." she replied, making her way through the door I was holding open for her.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked
"No thank you dear, I just wanted to see how Tiffany is?"
"She's bearing up, still under and she hasn't showed any signs of improvement. But she hasn't gone downhill either, so that's good right?"
"Yes, it is good. But more importantly, how are you?" she asked, as I sat next to her on the couch.
"I'm.. I... I don't know really." I stuttered. "Obviously it's been a really hard few weeks, but I don't know how I am. I feel a bit like I've lost touch with everything that's happening outside that hospital. I just don't know what to do; I feel like I need to help her, but I don't know how. She's in such pain and I don't know how to stop it" I said, opening up to this woman in a way that I haven't done since the accident.
"You're doing all you can. Tiffany is an extraordinary girl, she'll pull through, I promise she will. Would you mind if I came to see her with you now? I want to see how she is, and give her all the love that the people in this building have sent her" she replied, placing her baby soft wrinkled hands onto mine.
"That would be amazing," I said looking into her eyes "I'm sure she'd appreciate it, and I'd love the company" I said, brightening up instantly. "I've got to collect some clothes and stuff, so is it okay if we leave in about twenty minutes or so? I need to shower too if that's alright?"
"Take as long as you need," she said, rising up. "Meet me downstairs? I've got to collect some things from my apartment too"
"Of course," I said, moving to the door to hold it for her "and thank you." I said, "I don't think you realise how much this means to both of us".
"Anything for you two, you're such a lovely couple" she said, stepping into the elevator.
Those simple words gave me hope. Most people spoke in the past tense when referring to Tiffany, but Mrs V's use of the present tense gave me hope: hope for a future with my girlfriend in it, alive and well.
Love You Too: PART TWO • Opuss № I