23 November 2012
Today I feel just sad. Or maybe blue. But something feels just hollow. The reason is not concrete. Though I am sure that I feel this way.
It hasn't crept up. Or sprang in with a surprise. It is just there. Or just here. Happy to hang around.
I am sad because I think. Though I know that I can stop. Thinking. Not the blueness, sadness.
I think.... No more tiny babies in our family. We have had some. Not another bump. No daughter. No exciting positive.
I think... Everybody is older. I am. What am I doing? Who am I? When will close ones be just too old to go on? Surely I am not that grown yet?
I think... I am tired. Of working all week. Not at home. But racing to meet targets from on high. Tired of the meanness of our world. Tired that love is not enough.
I think... Of friendships lost And broken hearts made by cruel words and jealousy. From girls who once were like blood.
And I think... I should be thinner. I could be better. I need a hug thats real. I am just sadly blue today.
Sadness • Opuss № I