Decisions.

I want it all, but I can't get it all...

I think back to those late nights I'd drive past our work, and for some reason your car would still be there. If I was lucky, mine was there too...I'd always daydream about what could (what I wanted, really...) happen between us.

But I was afraid. Shy, quiet....and extremely nervous....I always wondered if maybe you felt the same for me. Maybe you were too afraid to do anything about it because of how untraditional any relationship between us would be.

We'd talk...and our conversations were anything but normal. Totally not subjects that would be appropriate with a coworker of the opposite sex. Let alone one that was 17 years younger than you. But we still had fun, and I was comfortable around you. Your bright green eyes and smile made me the happiest girl alive, especially if I was your reason for smiling.
I never had feelings for anyone like you. Nor have I ever had feelings like you've given me. To anyone else, I'm one if the most confident people you could meet. I can get anyone and anything I wanted. I was strong, and I knew how to play my cards right. But in front of you...I was a mess. Scrambling for the right words to simply reply to your casual "hey" in response to my presence, I looked like a 4 year old who just saw a strange shadow in the night. But you never noticed that. As you casually smoked your cigarette, you'd carry on a conversation as I watched you work the day away.

I liked what we had, but I wanted more. I wanted to be yours. For how old you were I always was curious as to why you were still single, and didn't have a family or even any children. I regret not taking a chance while I had one. I regret not saying goodbye. I regret not even being able to look your way as we walked onto our separate paths in life.

But I am glad to have met you.....and because of you, I know I'm able to fall in love.