24 April 2012
Chapter 3. August 2006
Me and Beth had been together for four months when I realised something wasn't quite right.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked Beth one sunny morning while we sat down eating our breakfast. Beth nodded and I came out with it "Are you cheating on me?"
"What, no I would never do that, you know I wouldn't, where did you get that idea from." Beth replied surprised.
"Just you have been really distant recently, you don't want me to touch you." I told her.
" I found a lump." she blurted out before she started crying.
"Oh baby, are you sure it's a lump and not anything else?" I asked her as I cuddled her.
"I went to the Dr and I have to have a biopsy and scan tomorrow, I am sorry, I thought if I didn't say it it wouldn't be true. They think its cancer." Beth cried.
"Don't cry baby, it might be nothing, let me come with you tomorrow please, I want to be with you." I begged. Beth nodded and buried her sodden face into my chest.
The next morning we both got ready for her hospital appointment in silence, I kept thinking that it isn't anything, it can't be anything. Beth probably thinking exactly the same as I was. I broke the silence in the taxi as I took her hand and told her "If there is anything I am going to be there the whole way ok baby." Beth let out a whimper and I tightened my grip on her hand.
I watched as the nurse pushed a button to let the love of my life come out of the MRI scanner, her face full of hope and fear at the same time. I cuddled her whilst we waited to be called back into the Doctors office, I don't know what she must have been feeling, wondering wether there was a retched thing killing her. She looked at me as if she knew what I was thinking.
When we were called into the office, there were 5 other doctors in the room, I could sense the fear that Beth was feeling, I could also feel the dreadfulness in the air and I didn't like it one bit.
"So miss Harris, it isn't good news, you have breast cancer but the good news is that it isn't aggressive and we think we have it in time, so you will go through chemotherapy for the first month and we will see how the cancer goes from there. Have you any questions?" The doctor told us. We both shook our heads at the same time, the doctor told us a load of other information but I was just watching Beth as she shook and sobbed, i wished I could take this away from her.
We went and sat at a table secluded from the rest of the cafe and spoke about normal things as if nothing had happened, but when we got to my flat that's when the realisation hit.
"Baby I am so scared." Beth said to me as we watched TV.
"I know baby, the doctor said that they think have it in time." I found it hard to gather the words to comfort her. So scared myself I didn't want to show my emotions, I had to be strong for her.
"What if they haven't got it in time though." she replied searching my eyes like she did the night we met, no matter what situation we were in, I still got goosebumps when she looked at me like that, it made me smile even in a situation like this.
"Do you want a cup of tea baby?" I asked her trying to change the subject.
"No thanks." Beth replied. I slinked off into the kitchen and my eyes filled with tears, I couldn't hold onto it anymore, how could the woman I love be taken away from me so soon after meeting her.
Life • Opuss № I