8 August 2012
(Sorry if I've missed any out)
The Cheese Battle is finally over. For those of you who missed it or who just want to read it again, I’ve put together a compilation of the 61 poems below, plus the poem that started the Battle, the results and the aftermath. I can’t take credit for all of this; I wrote 18 of the poems, the one that started it and the aftermath; @leelee101 wrote 15 of the poems and the poem applying for Sidekick position; @naaviie wrote 11 of the poems; @Delilah wrote 17 of the poems and fought against me in the prologue, Cheese Wars, and @VikingHorn wrote the results. Below reads the epic Saga of the Cheese Battle.
Cut (the starting poem)- @MelchiorJ13
WARNING: Mature content. Cutting through the block of cheddar, Mature aged sweet red leicester, Sharp and Swiss, Or warm and melting, You find my antics, Find a jester, I didn't lie, This was mature, The cheese was aged, For years before.
My First Call Of Order- @MelchiorJ13
@Delilah @naaviie
Pesky little Munsters, With chickens at their heels, Came flying in, With knickers on, And gaseous super skills, They Briely messed with all my Stilton, Crumbled all my cheese, Made the Queso quite much Leicester, Stung my heart like bees, And so I issue my first order, To any and to all, Who wishes to take on these pests, Who wants to see them fall? I call upon an evil sidekick, Skilled in art of cheese, To aid me in this one off battle, No catches, hooks or fees, Just enter, with a cheesy pun, Then I will choose the lucky one, It doesn't take a lot of thought, To battle for the cheese I sought, A set of poems, here and them, From D and Nic, And me and who, If you think this sounds up your street, The winner could quite well be you, Let me explain, in more detail, So your mind can still prevail:
In a one off battle with Daring D and Notorious Nic, I propose an offer for a temporary evil sidekick. Just enter in the comments with a cheesy pun and I might choose you for this one off battle. Over a short amount of time, we will post poems, not always cheese puns, just any poems, to the opposing team to continue with the story of our epic battle for cheesy justice! The plot is completely made up over time and has no set outcome. Please tag @Delilah, @naaviie, @Me(MelchiorJ13) and whoever wins the competition in the comments when you make your posts. And remember, the cheesier the better! Good luck, everyone and may the best evil cheesy sidekick win!
Please note, I have nothing against @naaviie and @Delilah, just thought this would be a good bit of fun!
Sidekick- @leelee101
So you're looking for a sidekick But there's nobody about And without a list of applicants You've given me a shout I'll introduce myself In just a little while In the meantime, why don't you check out My crooked winning smile I hear a hole needs filling You need somebody's aid You'll find me in the shadows Cloaked in deepest shade Ready to fight dirty To commit a deed most foul Against a Northern Irish miss And the vet who comes with owl They've got some real good banter Looking hot in hero pants Pretty sure they'll wither With just one evil glance My services aren't forever I give no guarantee But I'll tell you something matey You'll do worse than employ me If the position is still open I'm ready for the fight Sometimes in the day Maybe best at night Out of all those cheeses Did you mention Dairylea™? As for an introduction Call me BedHairyLee©...
Cheese Battle Rules- @MelchiorJ13
These are the rules for the entrants of the CheeseBattle Competition:
These rules are for @Delilah @naaviie @MelchiorJ13 and @leelee101 as participants of the competition, any other accounts may view the competition as it is happening but may not participate. If you wish to be tagged in further entries, just tag @MelchiorJ13 in a comment, tell me you want to be tagged to keep up with the comp, and I will tag you in all further entries. For the participants, tag @MelchiorJ13 @Delilah @leelee101 and @naaviie in the comments of your posts, here are the rules for the participants:
This is a battle of epic cheese portions! Your weapons are words of poetry and your puns are your secret powers. I will make the first post to start the battle and then it will commence. There is no set order for posting, just make your post to continue the epic Saga of the cheese battle, over the course of the comp it should form a legendary tale of chickens and cheese! Your post should be poetry and can use friendly banter (see @Delilah and my Cheese Wars) and do not have to include Cheese Puns. Here's what to do when you've written your post:
Title the post anything you wish, but you must add the keyword at the end, for example, PostNameOne|CheeseBattle. |CheeseBattle is the keyword. In the post itself, tag #cheesebattle and, in the comments, tag your fellow participants- I will tag anyone else who tells me they wished to be notified once I've read it. The battle ends when one of the sides surrender or both sides call a truce.
The two teams are: Daring D and Notorious Nic (@Delilah and @naaviie) The Evil Cheese King and BedHairyLee (@MelchiorJ13 and @leelee101)
Good luck everyone- and remember, the cheesier the better!
Let The Battle Begin|CheeseBattle- @MelchiorJ13
Lurking in the darkness, Breeding cows for cheese, My newest sidekick on a chair, Combing his hair with.... bees? He's armed with rabid squirrels, I'm armed with liquid Brie, We're ready for the coming fight, With Nic and Daring D, We've cursed them with our dangs and drats, We've said they are "No Gouda Rats!" We're ready for their hero pants, And countless, misspelled chicken rants, Do you hear me, Nic and D? Do you hear my cry? We'll drown you in a string cheese sea, And if we can't, we'll sure as try! So come at us with all your might, I bet you'll never win this fight, My sidekick is BedHairyLee, I see you shaking, Nic and D.
Round One|CheeseBattle- @leelee101
Don't need super weapons Don't really need some cheese I got plenty stuff To bring 'em to their knees I'm BedHairyLee Good Evening. Time for sleaze Dynamic Duo? Hero Pants? My goodness, ladies. Pur-lease... I told you I fight dirty I'm striking from the dark Come at me with chickens And I'll knock 'em out the park You'll try to turn me round My evil self repent My BedHair will protect me How bloody eggs-cellent So with the evil cheese king I thought I'd take first bat Remember Nic and Daring D I know where the D-Mobile's at And before you try to drive it And strike with gags so ripe I'd be careful Missy And check that exhaust pipe...
Round Two|CheeseBattle- @Delilah
To fix the D-Mobile? Did you think Jerome's corpse in the exhaust Would quash our heroic zeal? The hero pants have been double washed And ironed and battle bedazzled To blind you boys when they glint and shine With true old sassy sazzle. The chicks have been decked out In bomber chicken style And Wonky Bill's upgraded their eggs To make you run a mile. You'd better take cover Or your days are numbered now Though you think you've trumped us And are getting on like the Laughing Cow. Pretty soon we'll be round Rapping on your door, So come on boys get ready There's much much more in store...
Round Three|CheeseBattle- @leelee101
Who's that at the door? Adopting a heroic stance? Seeking squirrel retribution In their shiny hero pants? Ha! Dynamic Duo Ready for funny stares? I've swiped your hero knickers Good job you wear two pairs... Back to the D-Den ladies Quickly! Off you dart Round two goes to the lads Jerome was just the start...
Part Somethingorother|CheeseBattle- @naaviie
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No of course - It's Nic the Insane! Come to do battle Now, boys, don't kick out your rattles Our new super-knickers Are really stain-resistant kickers! You better watch out Daring D's given me a shout Sidekick-Nic is gathering the troops You - you cheesy-footed lads, Time to jump those hoops! Super trained chicken in your Daisycow-lair Watch out as she trips you on the stair! Now that'll shake that silly BedHair!
Round Five|CheeseBattle- @Delilah
Come on now, you've just got this? Resorting to dodgy stripper tricks? With our nick-knack back-ups we're still a pain in the ass, Better get your good game on fast. Do I hear wing beats in the air? There's no time to stop and stare The chicks are coming, get on your knees and beg While they drop tear gas and nuclear eggs. Boom boom pow and that's not even my ninja moves Even on my ownios I'm still in the groove. Black eyes all round the order of the day? For trying to nick my dignity you will pay. And Nic's coming home soon, fancy that! Then we'll really step up the attack.
Round Six (i think)|CheeseBattle- @leelee101
Ha! No match for my bedhair Here D have your knickers back They disappeared right up my crack Give 'em a wash if I were you Oh my god they smell of poo! I would use some softener too Now you know what Jerome went through! Psssssssss.... What's that? Oh the D-Mobile's got a flat Hohoho that's so funny Enough to make your eggs go runny You and Nic will not get far It's the bus for you without a car The evil one and I are waiting In our den. Where cheese is grating...
Behind Enemy Lines|CheeseBattle- @Delilah
Really? You're sweating grating cheese? I'm in the D-Den with a cup of tea! I got a lift from Superman Him and me are tight. Now for a plan While my pants soak in bleach, Really the limit by BedHairy was breached. But fair is foul and foul is fair Especially when one has dodgy hair! The D-Mobile's been upgraded and I fixed the flat Now to sort my counterattack. Come on boys, up the game Really your efforts are rather lame. Aha! Eureka! The lightbulb's no longer dim. Methinks its time to take the Aston for a spin.
Hot Sauce|CheeseBattle- @MelchiorJ
Cheese Battle • Opuss № I