Undeniable

Logic is undeniable.
Emotions are in the end reduced to pure logic which drives us all. And logic is always factual, undeniable.
With experience comes a certain numbness. And this experience always has to be dramatic. Noone cares if someone says, “We are going to be well”. They care if you say , “This is who we are. And being that person, we give our pain, our faults and our regrets to the people we love. And that…that is going to make us real. In the end, all is well. ” The numbness is a result of all those values and sayings with which we sum up our everyday actions. Its the reason we give for who we are and what we do.
And in my numbness I have grown to expect complete acceptance from people. The kind of acceptance where they support me and vouch for me and say, “Dude he knows a lot more about that one :D ” An acceptance where familiarity is greeted with just pure assurance. Assurance that they know how much I need them and an acceptance of all that happens and has happened. I don’t want anything more, I don’t want to be looked at and sneered at. I don’t want people to look at me and call me a wanna-be who is trying to speak big words, who is self obsessed and has an obsession towards drama. Who writes wanna-be things like this, who supposedly tells wanna-be lies.
In society abnormality without proof is a lie. Noone trusts your word to believe you are special, or that you have something irregular. It just isn’t theoretically possible for anyone to have more suffering that another. It’s all the same for everyone.
I just want someone to accept that irregularity I have. I must do something which others have no idea about. I have a place in this world where I must change everything- literally. What I will do is something unprecedented. Something which can never even come close to be matched. Something which literally noone has imagined possible. I will make time and destiny stand still and watch me as I do what I will do. And God and whoever is out there will look in awe. I will surprise God himself and it will be something he himself never imagined. At that moment all my bad memories and sad ones will pass before my eyes one by one. At that moment all the mean things anyone has ever said to me will be there and so will every loving word. It will be a time when the whole world will be in a standstill watching me and they will get goosebumps because it is like nothing ever imagined or thought about. And it will be something who noone in the Universe can ever match. Everything about the way we live, think, operate will change. Everything in the universe will change. It will be creation all over again. And at that time I won’t have to say a word but every mean comment which I didn’t deserve will be redeemed and the person behind it will weep as they see how I wept. No matter what anybody else sees in this. No matter how desperate they see me it won’t matter.
Because in the end all this is a test. A test to prove that I am worthy of myself. And I will pass because quite simply, I cant do anything else. I know the unearned suffering is redemptive. And I will fight back. I will fight back and I have all the weapons I need. I have everything I will ever need. I morph the world, I control the future and the present and I call the angels and the demons.
And all throughout I just wanted someone to see the problem I have. To say to everybody else, “Buck off! You won’t be able to take half of what he can!” Who would listen when I am as cheesy as I can get, when I am all emotional and my insides are out at night. When I just want to whine when I can’t sleep at night that person wouldn’t mind listening. And when you had found someone and you go behind them expecting and hoping they will react the way you want them to, of course, they don’t. They treat you like anybody else. And that’s okay. But it isn’t when over a course of events you keep hoping each day that the next day you will be treated they way you want to be, that tomorrow will be a better day. But it isn’t. How do you know? How do I take that leap of faith. Out of everyone in the world in the end only we know what we feel. And when such a disappointment happens I just want to withdraw to myself and not speak to anyone at all. Let them say things and do what they want but I won’t care. But I feel that isn’t how I should be.
I have decided to be strong because for the simple reason I can’t be anything else. When my tears fall it will be tears of power. Because those memories of pain and sorrow and regret and disappointment will be memories of power. Will be memories holding the knowledge to warp the universe. Will be memories with the power of my pain. And that power is the power I feel when I cry, unshamefully with clenched fist and gritted teeth. When my eyes seem to bleed these tears that will be the power I have. And ever tear that falls will be a golden tear of withheld power and will mean judgement. And judgement will be real.
I give judgement. I cry tears of power. I wield the trident of destiny. I control time. I am mocked. I am denied. I am undeniable.
I am Melody.