19 June 2012
Castiel new, hoped, that if there were one place left in the world, this world, where his Father would hear him, this was the place. A human would had been freezing to death getting here, but Cas was not a human. And that was why he was here in the first place. He was a soldiere, a warriorer of God the Almighty, doing His bidding, and he had done so since the begining of days. He had always been good at it, following orderes. He didn't know how to do anything else. He had been guided by the omnipresence, of the all consuming excistence of God. He had never felt anything, but if he had, Cas would had been happy.
But now, God had cursed him, and Castiel didn't understand why. He suddently cared for other then God and His ways. Suddently, he cared about the humans under his protection. Suddently, it mattered to him psonally, what Michael and Lucifer did with their vessels. Their destined meatsuits. Suddently, it bothered Castiel, what he had known since his birth, since the Creation. That Lucifer would rise and that Michael would fight him back into Hell. That the world would cometo an end and that Earth would rise again, in a new time with a new chance for the new race. The humans would be no more. They had had their chance and they had blown it. Before, that was enough for Castiel, because that was his Fathers plan. That what was he had told him, back when God still talked to his Angels. Now, he was quiet and not there. He was...no, he was not lost, Cas would not accept that. But he was not here eigther, he had to realise that.
He sat down on a bench, on top of the world. The blizzard around him slowed down and settled as he looked up at the sky. The cloudes disapered and the sun started to shine. A tiny flicker of hope was sparkled in the angel. Was it a sign? Was He there? Castiel closed his eyes and tried to feel that old familier glow in his chest, the warm calm that fell upon him in His precense. There was something there, but Castiel wasn't sure it was God. It was something he had felt before, something he couldn't identify as God, but it was deffently love.
Castiel trried again, harder this time. Maybe if he just asked...
"what have I done wrong,Father? Why have you cursed me? If have done nothing but following your bidding and wish, and yet I don't understand this...feelings, I'm suddently have been bestowed." Castiel, the angel, was struggeling with his words, with his feelings. His new feelings.
"Have I not always followed your orders? Have I not alwaysfollowed your plan and done everything In my powers to follow your words?! And now," he sighed. "Now everything comes to pices, because of me. " he looked up again and a suddent outburst of anger made him stand up and shout "Why have you done this to me!?" no answer, which wasn' t surprising to Cas. What was surpricing to the angel, what his anger. He had never before felt anger,and now it was there, directed against God of all in the universe. The next surprice was that he was still there. God hadn't smitten him, returned him to heaven. He was still in Jimmy's body, on Earth. " give me a sign" Castiel whispered, an the point of breaking down. Nothing. He sat down again, looking around at this wonderfull place. His Fathers creation. It was of cause beautiful. Empty. To cold for anything to live and prosper. What was it all there for? Castiel looked down between his vessels feets. He swallowed a lump in his throath, feeling lost. What was he supposed to do now? The obvius would be to stay on his mission, ignoring his feelings towards the Winchester boys and Bobby Singer. Yeah, cause that always ends well, he could here a familiar voice in his head say. Jimmy, he was still there, a bit more sarcastic then he had been at first, but still commited to the cause. Castiel was grateful for the company.
He stood up, ready to leave, realising that his Father had left him.
He felt chrushed.
He took a step and felt something under his boot and he looked down. A black leather string stuck out from under his boot and he stepped to the side and hunched down to inspekt the objeckt. A ruch of warmth flowed through him as he reconiced the little metal amulet in the leather string. He had been trusted it by Dean Winchester, to find God. Castiel had guarded it with his life, had it in his trouserpocket, feeling it's presence all the time . It hadn't worked as it was supposed. He hadn't found God.
And now, it was on the ground, half stepped down in the iced dirt on top of Mount Everest. Castiel dug it up. How had it ended up on the ground? He was sure he hadn't touched it after arriving to Nepal. Suddently he knew, as clearly as anything he had ever felt. It was his Father, showing him his presence. It didn't glow or sparkel or anything, but it was him, Castiel was sure. But, He was still not answering his question: what had he done to deserve this?
But maybe, it was a guide stone. Keep up with the mission, guard the vessels, keep Sam and especially Dean, safe, untill the Battle. Cas looked up at the sky. He understod what he had to do,he still had his mission. No answers, but God did work in mysterius ways. It was not his place to know why.
He pocketed the amulet and looked around one last time.
Then he left.
Fan Fic- Supernatural "Sitting On Top Of The World" • Opuss № I