A Freelancer's Mantra
"If you're good at something, never do it for free!".
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mephisto74
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25
Stories
77
Followers
Stories by @mephisto74 (25)
Taxi Clash
My taxi driver is a retired rock-and-roll star - he used to be a member of The Clash'. He's a nice man but not much of a confident driver...
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Sat Nav 2
I bought a Bonni Tyler Sat-Nav today, but it's rubbish... ...It keeps telling me to turn around..
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1001 Uses...
I bought a book yesterday: "1001 Uses For Binary". However, when I got home I was very disappointed to find it only contained nine..
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Insane?
A man went to see his psychiatrist wearing only cling film as a pair of pants. The psychiatrist looked at him and said "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!".
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Surprise Party
My mom said to me "Here's £20, Take your brother to lunch for his birthday. Keep him out of the house until 3 o'clock while we get his surprise party ready".
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Churchill
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing... ...after they’ve tried everything else"..
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Churchill/Bernard Shaw
George Bernard Shaw telegrammed Winston Churchill just prior to the opening of Major Barbara: "Have reserved two tickets for first night.
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Water Fight
I just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids. ...I won. No one's a match for me and my kettle!.
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Sat Nav
I don't like my new Bon Jovi sat nav. Every time I ask for directions it says... "whooa we're halfway there!!...".
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Dog Chasing
A policeman has just knocked on my door and told me that my dog is chasing someone on a bike.. ...couldn't be my dog though, he hasn't got a bike!.
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I hate people that don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'... ...Their so stupid!!.
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Custard
My wife just rushed into the kitchen and said, "You've burnt the custard, again!" In my defence, it is a really old kettle..
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People...
People are more interesting than the internet. But they're also more difficult to make work. Make the effort. ~ b3ta.
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Keystone Cops
An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.
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The Days Of The Week
m.t.WTF.s.s.
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Rough Neighbourhood
I lived in a rough part of town when I was growing up. Everyday the local bullies would cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head. Life was hard, growing up in the gateau..
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Mike Brown : The Man Who Killed Pluto
Article from The Independent, Jan 2011... Mike Brown is an unlikely destroyer of worlds, but then again it was never his intention to kill off an entire planet. It was an accident.
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Be Good At One Thing.
My dad told me that if i'm good at one thing, I should be good at lying, because if you're good at that, then you're good at everything..
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The Ageing Cave
Had a strange dream where a group of people and myself were trapped in a cave. For every one minute of time that passed outside in the world, 7 minutes of time passed within the cave.
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Coco Pops
A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?, says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing". The 4 year old nods his head in...
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Optimism / Pessimism
Whether the glass be half full or half empty, there's always room for more vodka!. ....
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Did You Know?
Owls do not make love in the rain as it's too wet to woo..
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A Hard Road
A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and says "I'll fight anyone in here. Who wants a fight?" But nobody replies, so the piece of black tarmac sits down at a table.
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Mistakes And Success
If Tetris has taught me anything, it's that mistakes build up and successes fade away!.
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