10 May 2012
Pre-op
Hospitals! They never used to bother me, I could quite easily visit without any fear. Even when my youngest brother and father both passed away in hospital, they always remained a place of safety for me. Until our youngest daughter was born disabled and the numerous visits we have had to endure these past 5 years, have taken their toll and now fill me with dread. Today I have been reminded why. Grace my youngest daughter is having an operation to correct her right foot. Her condition (spina bifida and hydrocephalus ) has given her many challenges these past five years , this visit being the latest. As I write this I have just returned from watching her in my arms, fall into what we like to call her magic sleep. For those of you familiar with having to take young ones to the operating theatre you will understand that watching your nearest and dearest falling unconscious without consent is a horrible experience. Everything should tell you that there is nothing to worry about, yet still you do. I guess my Angst is more highlighted after we nearly lost Grace after a previous op and I always think back to it. No matter how hard i try not to worry, I always do. The thoughts of loosing a child is just unbearable, the likelihood is minimal but still your mind tortures you with those what ifs!
If I could swap positions with her now I would, but then I guess any dad would? I guess the two things that keep me from breaking down are Jennifer (my eldest daughter) and my faith. Jen is 10 years old and yet she is the smartest, coolest most chilled child I know. She has insisted in coming today; to make sure everything is ok with Grace and as I sit here nervously typing anything that comes into my head to distract myself, she sits drawing pretty pictures for when Grace comes out of surgery! I am a lucky man to have been sent two angels for daughters and I thank the lord for each day I have with them, despite all we go through as a family we have been given such special gifts.
………………… post op
Magic Sleep • Opuss № I