30 December 2012
Fear and love are too incompatible, like fire and ice. But when I think of him thats exactly how I feel. Well maybe not love, but something strong, that draws me to him. My whole body trembles in thought of him. The colour of his hair drives me crazy, that shiny dark brown hair. When I stand close to him I have to fight every urge in my whole body and wrestle through every wrinkle of my brain, in order not to fist my hands into his hair. Only once.
But he is a forbidden fruit to me. There is no way that we could ever be together. I will never get to feel his plum pink lips on mine. Never. I will never going to be able to bore straight into those blue grey eyes and whisper the words that I so badly need him to know.
That tall and lean figure of his, it makes me feel so petite when i stand next to him. Being so close, yet so far away. Knowing that he could scoop me up with those long lean arms of his and carry me away, but it will never happen.
Not once, but about a million times did I imagine how he would look stark naked. Once a got a glimpse of him without his shirt on, god did I appreciate the view or what? How many times did he visit me in my day dreams? The things that i wish i could to him and with him, already send electric feels towards my sensitive spot. As the desire grows stronger for his touch, craving nothing more,but his sweet voice to whisper that he needs me just as much as i need him. But it will never happen, the barrier is too thick. There are way too many difficulties to face in order to be with. And if I do? What if in the end I will loose everything ? It is too much of a gamble, its a risk I can not take.
How many times was I surrounded by the darkness of the cinema, cloaking us and yet made no move to indicate that i want to be more than just a friend to hang with and talk with. That i want to be the girl that will make his world spin. None. How many times did I dance with him, hoping that the time will stop? Many. Did I do something about it? No.
And now knowing his on a holiday with my beloved cousin, who is well know for being a womaniser. Knowing that they both are probably hitting the clubs and making other girls giggle. It makes me jealous even tho I have no right to be. After all we are just friends.
I feel so pathetic. I remember me and him on a cool summer evening. His such a gentlemen, offering his jacket to me, that i gracefully accepted. We have this thing where we can talk for hours non stop. He always walks me home, if not he would always make sure I get into the cab. That day when I got back home, it was probably the weakest point for me. He has this smell, that always surrounds him. Its his natural scent, that i could never clearly indicate or label. That jacket of his had such a strong smell of him, that i slept in it, hoping that it was actually him. At that moment I would have done anything, to have him in my bed.
There is so much that I want that sometimes I forget, that it will never happen. Its better to have him as a friend, than not know him at all. I forget that he is my own forbidden fruit.
My Own Personal Forbidden Fruit • Opuss № I