13 September 2012
Dear Doug, this is a letter, you'll never see But I felt compelled to write it, nevertheless As often I still think of you How things between us were left
I don't believe in a life of regret No use dwelling on the past But for some unknown reason I can't forgive me for the hurt I cast
You were younger than me When I met you fifteen years ago My God you were so beautiful On the inside, even moreso
You began working behind the bar Where me and my girlies went Straight away I wanted to know you A gorgeous guy to me heaven sent
You were intelligent and kind A really sweet, caring soul I wanted to be with you I wanted you to make me whole
You respected that I was a mum Respected the person that I was I don't understand what I did It was if onlys and just because
I grew impatient and stubborn That's when insecurity set in I began thinking to destroy What never got a chance to begin
You probably were more mature Than I had ever been I went into self destruct mode A part of me you'd not seen
You see when I began to care More than I could cope with I began to play games and push Pushing you to a no win limit
When I saw you were jealous That pushing just took a hold I never stopped to think of you How my actions left you cold
I remember your sweet face Looking hurt and so sad "Why are you going with him?" You whispered in a voice so mad
I remember feeling confused And thinking I should go home That is what I should have done Left and gone home ALONE
But then Miss Self Destruct Urged me to go on ahead Ignore my feelings for you Choose a loser instead
God I could kick myself A thousand times and more What I did that night Was cruel and immature
It makes me emotional still Thinking how I hurt you so The memory of your hurt face Fifteen years later, I still know
That was the end of us You left working at the bar I never got to say 'I'm sorry' For me that's left a scar
I think of you at times Wonder how your life is? You will always be remembered Somewhere in my hearts abyss
I remember your gentle kiss You were such a true gent You loved that I wrote poetry Like I said, heaven sent
So although you'll never know How very sorry that I am I've wrote it here right now My feelings for you weren't a sham
I wish I could find you Maybe tell you to your face? So that you'd know that I Am now a woman of grace
I regret that you never Got the chance to ever see Who I truly was inside The chance to see the real me
I think if you had seen her Who'd know where we would be? But I made a huge mistake I underestimated your integrity
So I only have my thoughts Rattling around inside my head Dear Doug I am sorry Are the words I never said
©Kim Brown 13th September 2012 Dedicated to Doug
Doug • Opuss № I