28 May 2012
Here goes my official 1st Opussian Blog...I'm going in!
Don't you just hate those people who seem so organised all the time? The soft spoken, no stress type...I aspire to be such a person but alas it is not to be, things always prevent me from being that person, no matter how hard I try to ensure it doesn't go tits up...it invariably goes tits up! Yep...cock ups are my thing, any situation ends up being just that...a situation or on a bad day a disaster! During my 40 years of life there have been many cock ups, even from a young age I showed potential in this particular field. Aged 4 I was found by my mum with a dead goldfish in a towel, she asked me what was I doing?....I replied I was drying him off because he was wet! It could be called a blond moment I suppose but whatever you want to call it, I've had many blond moments/cock ups. As a teenager my Cockometer went even higher......when I was 14 I told my friend to have a go on the black ice the boys had made in school, she said she would, then I told her "but first you need a really good run up"...well I can tell you that girl was no Torville and Dean on ice, the next thing she is high in the air and crashes down on her elbow, that resulted in a trip to A+E, an operation to repair her shattered elbow....and me a trip to the heads office! However one of my finest moments was when an ex boyfriends parents were away for the weekend...I was 17 We decided to have a party, but my boyfriend was playing football first so he said start without him and he would join us all later. I thought it would be a good idea to fake a burglary, he always entered his house from the back door into the kitchen, so we pretty much took everything out of there...the toaster, kettle and microwave etc, we up tipped the bin and strategically placed potatoes on the floor....we then worked our magic in the living room by scattering cushions on the floor and we put the TV and video in the bath upstairs....we then all found hiding places The intention was that he would come into the kitchen and then go into the living room and we would shout "SURPRISE" However he took one look at the kitchen shouted "shit" and ran off scared out of his wits up the road to his mates house! It was mentioned that he may of called the police, so I told everyone to quickly put everything back...the next 5 mins was like an episode of 60 minutes makeover ! Sure enough the police knocked on the door and I said we were having a party was the music too loud?...they said a suspected burglary had been reported at the property and asked to come in and have a look round....obviously they left looking very confused as my boyfriend came up his path also looking very confused!....funnily enough I think it was on that very night that my then boyfriend realised I was not marriage material. Another monumentous cock up involved me and Tequila in my 20's....Tequila and moi do not mix and it's never good if I have Tequila....it makes me even more of a liability....this particular night I was dared to show off a body piercing I had recently done...my dearest friend tried to stop me but I was too drunk to care, so there I was in the middle of a pub showing a piercing I had on my Madam Wonderful! I was utterly mortified the next sober day and I felt too ashamed to set foot in that pub for months....I bet your thinking once was bad enough but alas the queen of cock ups did in fact do it again in another establishment on the same night...it won't be a surprise for you to learn I NEVER drink Tequila now. I could go on dear friends I really could like the time I put unleaded fuel into my diesel car or the incident on the National Express toilet...however that's another blog right there!
So if you are a fellow cocker upper you are in very good company!
Have a truly great cock up free day!!!!
Oops I Did It Again..Cock Ups Galore And A Fake Burglary • Opuss № I