13 June 2012
They say a way to a mans heart is through the stomach, unfortunately for hubby, it was my blonde hair and big boobs that convinced him to marry me definitely not my culinary skills.
My cooking usually consists of going in via the mouth and promptly exiting swiftly from behind.
I love watching all the cookery programmes such as River Cottage, Great British Menu, Masterchef and of course the lovely Jamie Oliver!
I daydream that I could have a beautiful self sufficient garden, full of vegetables, fruit and herbs whilst I'm there in my beautiful kitchen cooking something that I've picked with my own fair hands.....then the smoke alarm goes off and my daydream comes to an abrupt end.
I did once buy one of those plastic greenhouse things for small gardens. The idea being that I would grow a vast array of veg etc....I went out excitedly and bought all that I needed, walking out of the garden centre I was like 'check me out, I'm a proper gardener'
However that pipe dream came to an abrupt end too, most of it never grew and the stuff that did I did manage to grow looked like some sort of hybrid cloned vegetable out of a sci fi!
You see to be a great cook and indeed a gardener, you have to have passion, you have to eat, breathe and sleep it...I on the other hand don't.
At secondary school my nan and gramp convinced me to take GCSE Cookery, I think they prayed it would help me in the future and indeed them and any guests I may invite for dinner.
It was futile, I was a hopeless cook...once as part of our course work we had to cook a classic Victoria Sponge, it was going wrong right from the start, I was like a 3 year old who had been let loose in the kitchen.
At the end of the session we had to display our cakes with our name next to it, everyone proudly placed their cakes next to each other, some were wonderful and some actually resembled a cake...the teachers were looking at them all lined up, very pleased with their very talented pupils, that is until they got to mine for there before them was a polythene bag full of sponge crumbs sitting proudly by name!
Cooking is an art form and I'm no Picasso!!
I have improved somewhat over the years and have perfected a few dishes such as stew, spaghetti bolognese, soups, jacket spuds and I make a mean salad!
I'm just a liability in the kitchen, I always burn myself, drop things, break things, I once even set fire to my pyjama sleeve whilst cooking a fried egg.
A cook needs to have a good palate apparently...how can I when I don't even know what that means?
I really am trying to improve for health and safety reasons really and it saves hubby having to install a panic button for every time I cook.
My long suffering husband and children have got used to how I am and sometimes if I have meticulously followed a recipe they may actually get a proper meal.
You should see their little faces, it's as though all their Christmases have come at once.
I will end this blog with a story my eldest son loves to tell everyone about, I once cooked him and his friend from school sausage, mash and peas...I asked them both if it was ok to which they both replied "the ketchups nice".........
I rest my case.
Oops I Did It Again...Sponge Crumbs, Alien Veg & Smoke Alarms • Opuss № I