23 December 2012
For crimbo I bought a silky pair of knicks Pillar box red Just like my Revlon lips
Feeling festive I'm out for Christmas Eve Father Xmas? Nah I'm not one to believe
Upon my bed I laid out the clothes I'll wear I heard bells I did not know from where
From my window I look up on my roof That's when I see A lot of tiny hooves
I'm thinking 'What in holy shit?' Ho Ho Ho The voice of St Nick
Is this a joke Am I on 'You've Been Framed'? I better be good Not swear or misbehave
I turn around On my bed is a surprise A little box I can't believe my eyes
A little note 'I am sorry, but I've swapped' 'You have these' 'For I liked yours a lot'
I open the box Take out what's inside My disdain I honestly cannot hide
The biggest pair Of Y fronts you've ever seen I can't wear them God knows where they've been
I rush to my window I shout up to my roof 'Oi St Nick' 'Stop being a bloody goof'
All I see Is my red, silky knicks His arse squeezed into them I'm feeling sick
Why why why? What a rotten thing to do? St Nick That's why I don't believe in you
©Kim Brown 23rd December 2012
St Nick Has My Knicks • Opuss № I