15 May 2012
As a friend you were loving Strong, fun, spontaneous Foolish, eccentric and sociable
As a mother you were cold Weak, unhappy, unpredictable Embarrassing, scatty and lonely
Life with you was always drama You thought I was too young But I understood all about you
You were so insecure Like a young child Inside a woman's body
The need for a man The need for his money Meant more than being a mum
I had so many Uncles Was told never to tell I understood to stay silent
If things were great Then life with you Was almost bearable
If something or someone Got you down, for us It meant downwards too
Your temper was fierce Many a time I had felt The wrath of your anger
As I got older I also found a voice Saying words you hated
You began to get high I thought it was a phase So did my brother
You sank lower To such depths No rehab could help
An addictive personality It was told to me Which made some sense
In the past it was men Money, clothes, furniture Fruit machines and shopping
An endless try To fill that bottomless pit So very deep within you
Heroin became your lover Other heroin addicts Replaced us as your kids
Dad always told me He never knew Where he was with you
Which was why He chose an unhappy marriage Over a life with you
I have experienced Every known emotion A person can ever possess
Nothing ever got through To that infected mind Body and soul of yours
You chose a life So numb to the living That death would be kinder
You missed my life My children's lives Your very own life
Now at nearly 60 You have been free Your veins can breathe
But the self inflicted Abuse has taken All that you ever were
Your body a mess Your mind slowed Your spirit holding on
We talk more But you feel a stranger A face I don't recognise
The grip of heroin May have left you But it's very much present
I have taught myself To not care Caring would mean pain
I keep a distance To protect myself To protect my family
For you are here now But the devastation That has ravaged your body
Will one day Take you from this life To peacefully be in the other
What Lies Beneath The Skin • Opuss № I