17 December 2012
Clipping up the last suspender, Shimmy down my Christmas dress,
On the sleigh I jump tonight, Got gifts galore to be addressed!
Take the reins and crack them hard Across old 'Rudolph's' back,
He bites his bit and winks at me, A little pain - it's worth the flack!
And as we canter down the runway, Elves galore they stop and stare...
Looking up, they get an eyefull - "It's Mrs Christmas's underwear!!!"
For I am Mrs Christmas And I have a gift for one and all -
And this includes the elves, Who see my sussies through the sleigh's glass floor!
I make my first stop of the night, Alight, then scamper o'er rooftops...
But as I come back from my first run, I hear a noise that makes my heart stop!
A blood-curdling scream, a chilling sound, Then footsteps, fast and fitful...
So I make my way down to the ground And get all combat and stealthful!
I see the lady, lying there, Her bag has just been stolen...
I know I really shouldn't, But this guy's head must be broken.
I catch a glimpse, I see the guy, He's running rather quickly,
But he has not 'clocked' Mrs Christmas And now things might get tricky...
I reach inside my stocking top And there I find my gun
(I keep it for emergencies, And when I'm on the run!!)
I aim 'Black Beauty' just below The kneecap, then I squeeze,
That man, he hit upon the ground, And I felt rather pleased!
I walked real slowly to him now, As he lay whimpering softly,
I said "Young man, you shouldn't steal!" And took the handbag calmly.
He looked at me with such disbelief, A puzzle on his face...
"Mrs Christmas? Is it really you?" then - "I'm sorry, I'm such a disgrace!"
My gun does not shoot bullets - The stockings did the trick!
They wrapped around his legs And now he feels like such a..... silly man
So, stockings saved the day! And nobody was hurt...
Well, nobody, except his pride, But I'll 'keep it under my skirt' ;>
Stockings Save The Day! • Opuss № I