ø
insane in sane living one life in the other erosion of the brain.
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muhkickass
16. quirky. trying to stay positive.
256
Stories
143
Followers
Stories by @muhkickass (256)
dropping off words
insane in sane. to be in a sane environment will drive you insane. because too much sanity leads to insanity. to be contained by sanity. to be so deep in sane. erodes the brain.
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48 words
Untitled
there's not a way out if you keep getting deeper keeping going down hill because the load makes it steeper don't make excuses just fucking go there's nothing left to show for yourself.
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33 words
Untitled
nine years down the drain never to be returned back again.
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11 words
muffled
and when you sob. and carve society on your hip. crying. saying you're in love with sadness. it pisses me off. because I'm actually sad. all the time. and have been since I could really think.
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160 words
no
what is he thinking what is he saying with his eyes he's trying to communicate but I'm lost lost cause.
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20 words
chain smoke
it's been 28 hours. since she stared at me. speechless. since I felt attractive. since I was surrounded. by people that found me interesting. that saw what I let them see. and nothing else.
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125 words
Untitled
And the poisons all been used.
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dig your own hole
it's all a matter of smiling. of laughing. of trying. of soaring. of flying. of dying. laying to bed. laying at rest. when you can die knowing. you conquered life. doing your best.
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68 words
where I am
this is where I am now. I've made it here. through personality. through dress. through fucking the world. through letting it go. to being the best. hottest guy in school came by me and said.
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155 words
match
growing up. accepting your inner nerd. the urge to be happy. the act of being happy. there's too many fun things. out there in this world. there's too many years left. to shed a tear when you could.
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52 words
helmet
drugs. shaved heads. middle fingers. piercings. fuck yeah. I'm so cool. but not when no ones looking. I hate myself. the way I look. the way I am. when I'm not acting. I want to be cool.
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216 words
I could stay
cut my hair. cut the cord. no one cares. you're just an underweight whore. looking for a score. people care. not in the way you like. but it's alright. keep your eye on the light. blinding. burning.
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52 words
nineteen days since the last time I smoked pot
try and remember. remember the days before. before life was this way. back when it was okay. but now Mary's here. taken up your life. without permission to stay. she's not going anywhere.
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269 words
Untitled
I'll acknowledge you now what do you mean before I just noticed you and after this I'll acknowledge you.
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Untitled
out of it but in it more than you've ever been this isn't another step into your daily sin this is a step a a step toward within no one can help you fight your own twin.
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37 words
27% alc.
sinking into an addiction. one I'd like to fuel. go down to the kitchen. quietly open the cabinet. grab the poison of the night. because I need. I want to feel alright. tip toe to my room.
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132 words
high school lunch period
sitting in this damn cafeteria. mushed between thirty kids I barely know. they barely know. how much they show. for i'm surrounded by. them. a clump of teenagers. rambling on. and showing off.
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294 words
early
8:00. time to get dressed. turn on some music. fuck stress. Prozac and cereal. then run to the door. grab my board. and fucking hit the floor. time to go. and go and go.
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84 words
enjoy
the faint repetitive sound. cruising along. I don't have to be anywhere. at anytime. there's no rush. it's all good. I'm riding on a new board. through an old neighborhood.
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133 words
two minutes
I made a move. and I'm getting it back. in a friendly way. in a polite way. but I guess I can live with that. why am I thinking so much. the music sounds like white noise. in a whole new hell.
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45 words
there
I always have to be listening. or distracted. so I won't be trapped. trapped with my thoughts. they'll eat me alive. and rip me apart. make me think of him. break my heart. I just wanted to see him.
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82 words
familiar fear
I can definitely wait. you're driving home. right now. maybe thinking of me. but probably not. I wish I didn't care. but I do. you're driving right now. in your own car. I don't know where you are.
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198 words
on my own
some people have someone that's always with them. not me. I'm never with the same people. people know my story. bits and pieces. no one but me knows the entire story. no one knows me inside and out.
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51 words
not today
it's been two weeks. officially. 14 days. since I was last touched. touched sexually. 14 days. since the last time. the last time I got high. I miss it. I have some in my room. but I can't.
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101 words
not now
usually. I'll tell him. or her. that I like her. I'll go out on a ledge. in order to maybe get what I want. I usually get it. and when I don't I. usually. don't care. usually. but with him.
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219 words
same day as any
except for the girls with boy friends. secretly trying to out brag the other. he gave me chocolates. he gave me chocolates and a bear. he made me a long letter with photos of us. he wrote me a poem.
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342 words
j.m.
it's hard to find a moment that explains your entire relationship with someone. but I found ours. you were talking to your girlfriend. she probably thought she had all of your attention.
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153 words
Untitled
it's like walking forward. with your eyes closed. it's like trying to turn the lights on. feeling the walls for clues. nothing to help you. except your own brain. but if you use it.
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127 words
I suck at poems
the kind of person you love. but don't want to kiss. the kind of person that's always there. the one you always miss. a best friend. to sit in silence with. the one who doesn't pick a fight.
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98 words
c.b.
in sixth grade. I was in choir. sat next to a girl. with light messy hair. I found it so strange. that she didn't care. she had cuts on her legs. I didn't know what from. all I knew was that she. she.
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133 words
postcard
I look nothing like her. the girl on the Christmas card. smiling next to my sister. smiling next to my brother. that isn't me. it is. but not the real me. I don't know her. I don't know what I think.
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202 words
e v i l a
I think they call it butterflies in your stomach. mine feels like a battle in my mind. half of us excited for a happy ending. the rest of us preparing. for a reject sending. it happens. it might not.
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stretching a moment out to survive today
it's the aching pain. to be. touched. to be. taken advantage of. to be. felt. used. enjoyed. admired. it's lust. and once you've had. a taste. nothing's as big a rush. it makes you. drop.
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57 words
e
he's really tall. trapped in a body. too big for his soul. he's got. dark. hair. long. brushed. swooped. he's got. glasses. and he. always. seems lost. lost in somewhere. else. my friend thinks.
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41 words
ombré
to look like she doesn't care. but she does. a cross on her neck. even though she doubts Him. the cross means more to me than her. more than her. than her.
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70 words
a promise made
because I'm young and there's nothing wrong nothing wrong nothing wrong with having a little fun.
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go out and get it
you. you have to decide to stop being sad. to stop being sad. to stop. and start being happy. I'm on my way to the sun. to the only thing that can kill me. burn me alive. I've never felt so alive.
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66 words
a poem of a hormonal teenager's current dilemma
why do I have to like the guy my friend likes. why do I get to have more of a chance with him than her. why can't I tell her I like him. instead of lying and saying I wouldn't do that to her.
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190 words
the science of pursuing one another
I think it's a matter of timing characteristics trust timing always been the problem for me. they're already pursuing someone or I am already. no ones ever readily available when I am.
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180 words
fake
I was sold fake acid I was pseudoed. I'm a joke. the guy I bought it from thought it was real. and so did I. I feel like an idiot. idiot. guess I'll stick to pot..
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acid for the first time
blotter under my tongue. waiting for a lift. on the computer. mind begins to drift. but no sign yet. no sign of a trip. nothing yet. or will I ever trip. is it even possible.
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82 words
last for a while
last smoke for a while only a little bud left dragged from the hypocritical pile I like this feeling I'll let him stick around for a while he's not going through anything nothing...
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87 words
low road
no one wants to do what needs to be done. no one wants to be the villain in front of everyone. no one really cares if you're good at heart. because they only see bad,. standing away too far.
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71 words
Lexi
when we get together. it's comfortable. it's fun. it's entertaining. I got your back. you have mine. we can do anything. and feel no shame. feel no pain. it's never romantic. strictly business.
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108 words
weed
I like the idea of breathing in smoke I feel like I'm burning the bud alive and swallowing the ghost's souls in an attempt to make me whole.
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28 words
Untitled
three blue pills before bed. reciting excuses in my head. I didn't know they were pills. some kid told me they were aspirin. I just wanted to sleep. I don't know. I'm sorry. I just want to have fun.
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I'm high
dry my lips dry my throat dry down there dry it's all because I got high.
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write this really stoned
why give when we can take. why love when we can rape.
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high
I hate making you cry. salty tears from all your pores. your ears. your nose. your vagina. your asshole. your pores. it's so sad to see you drown yourself.
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inspired by doctor who
history isn't about equations. science. and plans. it's about life. impulse. insanity over sanity. vane over vanity. nothing but a plan to meet. all you can do is not trip up your feet.
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68 words
stoner's thoughts:
it's just a fear. fear factor. the element of getting caught. doing something you should not. maybe they'll see the red. the red in your eyes. or maybe the cuts. covering your thighs. tell them lies.
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109 words
Untitled
mental callus white trash palace.
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thc
I'm high and honestly it feels perfect content happy satisfied stimulated amused with nothing left to lose except a few more brain cells.
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23 words
Untitled
security. get in line. stay on the yellow path. don't bring any liquids from home. there's no way of knowing where it's from. or where you've come from. just keep staying in check. law's the best.
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65 words
crazy
laying in bed. hospital gown. I meant no harm. I meant no harm. I just wanted an escape. trying to carve a shape. shape my mind. see what I'll find. I found nothing. nothing but darkness.
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47 words
default
and it's just become a blurry mess. nothing to escape from. but there's still stress. how can I end this. when I keep reassuring no end. but it all ends. sooner or later. always sooner with me.
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229 words
Untitled
cut the cord life's a bore stupid chore no one left to see no one left to be it's hard to show off your aim when there isn't a definite target no one really cares selling yourself stock market.
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past parasite
she has black nail polish purple hair smile on her face she doesn't care isn't all there her life seems so simple so easy to be it was easy to be I want to be her that used to be me.
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41 words
Tuesday's gone
last night. eyes stained red. lies spread. out all night. dancing around. felt alright. met strange new people. strange new pills. midnight thrills. one more drink. one more song. one more hit.
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117 words
Untitled
if you had to decide what to say about her,.
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jack white
sound piercing voice cracks perfect in every sense jack white jack white I'm crying I love you I love a 37 year old who will never know me ever never.
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inspired by kickstarts by example
I'm tired of this. you're hurting me. parasite. with a strong bite. I need to heal. you're burning me. burning me to ash. there's nothing left of me. you took it all. I'm starting to fall.
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117 words
death
a kid from my school died. he's dead. didn't even finish his freshman year in high school. and no one at my school is any different. he died. it might have been a few days ago. but he's still dead.
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94 words
inspired by the white stripes
there's no sense in trying to forget them. they've already changed you forever. in a million ways. those ways are tiny. almost insignificant. almost. a thin sliver of your soul.
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62 words
fell fall
I fell in love with the way you secretly avoided eye contact. I fell for the times you'd catch my gaze and never break it. I fell for your hair. a bit curly red mess. I fell for your body.
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114 words
Untitled
If you need a sign, this is it. god dammit this is it.
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13 words
two dollar love
it's not me. it's you. I've got my shit together. I'm ready to go. been at it for years. you're going slow. If we were engines. I'd be your gear. turning and turning. facing fears. you'd be a gear.
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93 words
cocaine
It was cold. I was freezing. I had a few more miles to go. walking through the snow. makeup smeared from the night before. neighbors staring, "what a whore". what more can I say.
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164 words
self
beat myself up too bad I can't get up there's one solution glass bottle been sitting in my closet aging waiting I want to drink it drown into bitterness help me escape I hate my life my life is...
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168 words
NyQuil
I hate my life. I want to sleep. sleep until my sisters dead. sleep until my brothers dead. sleep until my girlfriends dead. sleep until everyone I love is dead. so they can know what it's like.
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66 words
inspired by jack white: love
can't shake it. can't make it. nothing's keeping me here. you're so trusting. you let me come and go as I please. but this isn't love. love keeps you begging. love keeps you dreading.
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207 words
Untitled
to die this way and savor the day dear you see there is no no other way.
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17 words
ø
and that's how I filled the void I fell for the first boy who gave me attention.
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virginity
is this it seriously where's the rest we had sex we're supposed to be in love now we're supposed to be in love god damnit is this love is this what I've spent my whole life preparing for.
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86 words
first kiss
I took that from you. it was yours to give. you gave it to me. and I happily took it. the difference is. I'm sticking around this time. I'm sticking around. feet planted on the ground. not a sound.
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42 words
well what'll it be
would you rather be ignorant to all the things around you and content or know the ways of the world and fight depression and the darkness around you?.
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28 words
right now
emotionally drained. physically drained. I'm so tired. I sleep all day. I worry my parents. I sleep life away. I need to get up. and out of my head. I need to get out. of this damn bed.
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89 words
losing a best friend
I can't handle it where does she stop and you end.
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170 words
jm
it's funny. funny how you said you wanted to date me. now I'm with someone else. happy I might add. and you're back. lingering. I can't shake you. you had me. you dropped me.
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173 words
clique new years poem
chapped lips. knees locked. awkward stance. timer slowly ticking down. 10. 9. 8. her eyes never so big. she's sweating. nervous. time slows down. surroundings pushed back. she's pulled in.
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165 words
the pains of a nice guy
he's never there he doesn't care he'll blow you off hit on your friends never respond to messages I'll be there for you I care god dammit I care I'll love you the way you love me he doesn't even...
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125 words
Untitled
she doesn't know how to be loved she can't let go she can't trust she can't take the compliment she can't give herself away she already did she already did.
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30 words
Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum
I feel good. I'm dizzy. I'm tired. I'm feeling good. good. it's all good. bobbing my head. better off dead. it's good. I wanna. I want to. do things I shouldn't even type.
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40 words
pending bending sending
I have a girlfriend and I don't think I should talk to you why because she might think I like you do you. and who is she. her names chloe. she does to mount.
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44 words
paint a picture for the blind
to describe a color; a sight to one that's sightless is impossible if they aren't in love. to love is when colors bleed together. to describe a sensation is simple when one can feel.
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356 words
taste of success
I want more than I could ever get. consumed by desire, throwing a fit. there's nothing left to take. I've stolen everything. sitting on a pile of wants and needs.
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143 words
heartless right
I don't need your love. I don't need you very much. I just want you right now. I want your touch. you don't have to love me. you don't have to care. just let me have you. I'm willing to share.
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233 words
it's in your genes
"we'll accept you for whoever you are" I'm here but I'm not barely there Christmas Eve dinner with the family I have to cover my arms cuts cover it 45 sharp cuts 5 small scratches I have to take my...
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270 words
more
family time seasons greeting relative meeting spoiled brats screaming for presents more more is this all I get. where's the rest of my gifts.
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221 words
gain
to give your soul. for material things. to take it all. and leave them again. one thing on your mind. not love. not friendship. not me. not love. not me. not me. not you. how to win it all.
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102 words
familiar feeling
inner me. outer me. the outer one is the same. the inner one has changed. my inner has shriveled up. my outer the same. from the outside you can't see. drugs are a bet with your mind.
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165 words
Untitled
I'm here. but I'm not. I'm high. but I'm not. I'm in the room with my family. but not here. I'm missing one of my senses. I'm here. but I'm not. I'm there. at the top. I'm high.
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86 words
chore
last night is hazy. cloud of smoke. it's always crazy. woke up broke. that I can be this lazy. lazy. tired. sleepy. bored. no matter what I'm doing. I could pass out. bored. life's a bore.
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69 words
Untitled
in his house. church. some prestigious stupid name. unauthorized claims. no visible gain. it's a mental mind game. close your eyes. open your mind. let them in. let them turn you. let us help you.
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137 words
third
yeah yeah okay. have fun. I get it. I'm the third wheel. minor part. no big deal. knew from the start. this was the deal. this is how it is. the guy and the girl. me on the side. I'll just sit here.
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128 words
us
8:57 am. my dad and his girlfriend outside baking. wind chimes heard. my family is baking. perfect little life. I'm trapped in my bed. shaking. I thought it was a dream. but I woke up and saw it.
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526 words
camp winnamocka
so I go to a camp every summer. every summer. since age seven. I don't say bad words there. I'm happy. I'm innocent. two weeks of being a kid. two weeks of freedom. but it's only two weeks.
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139 words
told
new generation new age hiding behind old problems if everyone thinks you're mental you can do what you like without being judged go crazy and your folks won't budge hide behind a disorder claim to be...
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408 words
self inflicted
crying. I just spoke with my dad. he knows I'm dying inside. I told him when I used to cut it was never to kill myself. it wasn't. but I cut yesterday. I still cut and I want to tell him and get help.
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229 words