n1ck
'THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN UP!' 'No, you're gonna yell at me...'
Sometimes when I'm bored I like to dig a hole in my garden, sit in it, and pretend I'm a carrot.
When a bird craps on my car, I like to sit outside and eat a plate of scrambled eggs, just to show the other birds what I'm capable of.
I almost got rape in jail... My family take monopoly game night a bit too seriously.
Evening news: where they begin with 'good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Sometimes when I'm bored I like to lay on the kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb.
I hate when spiders sit there on the wall, acting like they pay rent.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ― Dr. Seuss
"I live life on the edge" -Humpty Dumpty
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits...
"I love u" "Awwww really?" "Yeah... It's my favourite vowel!"
“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr Seuss
My dog is a carrot.