5 June 2012
The snow blew into her face, making her lips turn blue and her tear streaked cheeks a bright pink. She watched people crossing the street, their faces down, their hoods shielding their faces from the snow and wondered whether any of them had noticed her, or whether they just didn’t care. They did, after all, live in their own small worlds of warmth and love, not able to imagine how much pain a single human being could feel. Pulling her sleeveless cardigan tighter around her shoulders, her thoughts wandered on. Maybe there was someone else out there, someone else who felt the same agony, who felt the same loneliness. Maybe someone was sitting somewhere out in the snow, just as she was, cold, exhausted, and faithless. Her fingers brushed the fierce open cut that still burned on her skin, and another rush of tears flooded her eyes, almost tripping over each other as they raced down her distressed face, ending their journey in the puddle of half melted snow in her lap. A feeling of helplessness rushed in over her, her stiff frozen hands letting go of her cardigan as she pulled herself up, glancing swiftly over her shoulder before stumbling blindly on through the hectic snowflakes that had begun to fall more rapidly than before. The cold seemed to bite her naked arms, making them hurt even more. She cried out, even though the pain could far from measure up to the throbbing ache of her heart. She paid no attention to where she was going, but let her feet lead the way as her thoughts again began to take over. Somehow nothing made sense. How could her life be the direct opposite of all natures laws, how could her mother, the one person on earth to love her unconditionally, simply not love her? What had she done wrong, where had she gone wrong? Maybe she did hate herself, maybe she did wish she were someone else, or that she simply did not exist, perhaps she did treat herself as terribly inhumane as everyone else, but then again, who started? Did she start to despise herself before others, or did others wear her down, causing her to hate herself? Her thoughts were driving her mad, why couldn’t she, just for once, empty her head and feel peace? Apparently not, so she turned her concentration once again towards the now empty streets, inhabited only by the thick white snow.
Snow • Opuss № I