Petty word vomit and unraveled secrets
I can run from the house. Loiter in galleries. Sip white mocha in the coffee shop. Lose my mind in my reads. The coffee won't phase me. Nor the art or the book. The music does nothing.
I'm not here to stay. I'm not here to stay. And I'd leave if I could. I'd run far away. Not yet dear,. In due process. Due time. I'll get out of here. Make this life mine. Not sticking around.
It's late. I'm so incredibly exhausted- running on peppermint mocha and green tea. I can not rest. My mind does not have an off switch. And so I unlock my pretty jewelry box and take out my addiction.
I'll say yes. And second guess. I lost myself. And I'm a mess. I want you. And want him too. But neither is right. Not sure what to do. Don't know where I've gone. Or what ever went wrong.
Self harm references.
Superficial kisses. And lies to pass the time. I let you into places. That before were only mine. You're just a popular boy. With a contagious smile. Brimming with fake confidence.
Just a ride With just a friend Flirtatious. No never.
Personal- if you don't actually know me this wont be too interesting. Just a very sleepy note to a friend.
Diet pills and razorblades. And words to keep me calm. Diaries and records. Of all the things that I've done wrong. Poems with untold stories. Worn edges and ink smears. Memories of all the nights.
You're here. You care. Or so you say. Somehow I know. It shouldn't be this way. Thought you were perfect. Maybe you're not. Thought we'd last. Loved you a lot. Or so I said. So I believed.
I'm great at keeping secrets As long as they aren't mine They can be about anything I'll seal my lips just fine My own tales on the other hand...
Subtitled "Vaginas Have Teeth" @plasticcourage A half-full glass bottle Just strong black tea, right. And that tin full of mints... And those capsules of white...
Warning- eating disorder post *** She had an illness, deep in her head; Poor sweet little girl, wishing to be dead She had some swarms of demons, whispering in her brain; Screeching vicious voices,...
Click click clack. Brrring click click. Another line. Typed up real quick. Silly, I know. With my MacBook right here. I crave old school quirks. Vintage things from yesteryear. Type up four pages.
If I could teleport. To anywhere at all. If I could go to outer space. Through every concrete wall. If I could go to Europe. Or Australia, or the moon. Or to the Canary Islands. On a sunny afternoon.
Once on a crumpled scrap of paper. Smeared with lipstick blots and ink splatters. She wrote a poem. And she called it "Valentine's Day". And that's what it was all about.
Hate poem- jealous and silly and only halfway sincere. ****. I'm glad you have a massive nose;. And a lack of class, and ugly toes. I'm glad you are a nosey slut;. But hate your toned and perky butt.
A long night out. You tease me so well. And now you have me. Trapped under this spell. And teenage lust. Plays tricks with my mind. I do unladylike things. Am a little too kind. And then you ask me.
Long night. Sinful fun. Pounding beats. Hair undone. Moving in. To the ravenous crowd. Head is pounding. Much too loud. Against you. Moving fast. Sweat drips. This can't last. Words I don't know.
You weren't good for me. I need better friends. This is how it has to be. All connection must end. I'm sick of your lies. And the drama you cause. Sick of you cutting ties. And pointing out flaws.
Cold sweat. Quiet screams. Make believe threats. From demented dreams. Blood and fears. From ghosts unseen. Wake me in tears. From the murky in-between. I'll sit here and panic. Alone in my bed.
Tonight is the second night. You've stopped to say hello. Driven on the dusky streets. To get right back up and go. A hug and stray kiss. A quiet word or two. You'll say goodbye, and squeeze me tight.
Maybe I am paranoid Or a tad insecure But my eyes glow green with envy Every time you look at her And maybe this is nothing But my gut tells me I'm wrong I know there's something between you...
In case you ever wanted to know more about me....here's a talkative blog: I'm going to be very upfront with you all; you probably wouldn't like me if you knew me in person.
Can depression be a phase. A short chapter of a whole.
You're leaving me All of us Taking off Making a fuss About this hell We're all trapped in I know it sucks Don't know where to begin...
I want to be that girl. Strumming an old guitar. On the sidewalk by the park. Singing for cash in her tip jar. And I want to be that artist. Selling portraits for hundreds.
I miss last June more than anything. Summer sun and the big tire swing. Nights spent late on the golf course. A bedtime that was never enforced. We'd bring pillows and blankets and books and pens.
Oldish diary entry. This is really rough and full of nasty run ons and the like. Forgive me. Im reading back over old conversations...seeing patterns in my past relationships.
Just a raw journal What did I do to deserve actually being happy like this. You make me feel completely whole. When you tell me I'm perfect I believe you actually think so.
Not ready for this. I don't know how. No. Stop. Not ready now. Not yet, dear. This is too soon. Too far too fast. Too much so soon. Stop. No. I can't make you quit. I want it too. I'm all over it.
-Adult content- Don't read this if you know me in person.
Written as if I'm Amanda rather than myself. My best friend isn't so friendly.
I'll do it soon Really I will In an hour Or two Or six more from now I'll finish that project That's due in two days I'll put it off 'til the night before I won't finish.
It's only sophomore year. So much more to go. Already I am buried. Can't prepare for tomorrow. School is shit. Home is worse. Just let me sleep. Carry me off in a hearse. I hate my work.
Up so high I'll never fall Just when I think I'm more than fine I hit another wall Send me flying On top of the world Laughing to crying Plunged down the rabbit hole Maybe it's just insanity Call...
I told you you don't love her. And I said she won't love you. I said lust was all, and I was right. I know what I said was true. Now I'm with this boy. Who thinks he may love me.
You're just not that into me. Except when you are. From hot right to cold. You're near then you're far. Maybe you're bad with emotions. Or tired or sick. Maybe I'm over thinking.
Here's an old something I dug up and found to my liking. This is personal and no longer true in the slightest, but the emotions are raw and I wanted to share. *** Conor, I see right through you.
Nosey bitch Why are you here This is private Not for your ears I've hurt you enough Why bring this on.
You didn't forget me I've been here all along You think I don't remember you I'm here to prove you wrong Each detail of each night with you Etched detailed in my head And all those things you said...
You still love me. I know it's true. It's in your eyes. Heartache through and through. I hurt you, I know. And I can't say I mind. Can't tell you I'm sorry. Can't force myself to be kind.
Run run. 'Til fat drips off. Never slow. Never stop. Starve starve. 'Til your hands shake. And your hair falls out. And your insides ache. Binge purge. 'Til your throat burns. And your teeth chip.
I know you called. And text me too. Know you messaged me. There are more than a few. You sent me two videos. And eight apologies. Ten more "I'm sorry's". Take a hint, please. I'm not talking to you.
**Naughty words- I mean come on it's in the title and everything.
Rain, rain. Don't go away. I welcome you. Feel free to stay. Rain, rain. Wrap me up. Frozen sheets. And icy muck. Rain, rain. Make me new. Mute the sky's. Bright blue hue. Rain, rain.
(Contains a couple unladylike words). ***. It's a shame how sappy I truthfully am. Lovesick and emotional. Really now,. Damn. It's ridiculous. And sickening. I reread these posts. And want to scream.
You're just a toy. A novelty. You're senseless, useless. Mean nothing to me. You're just a lost puppy. Trotting at my side. No matter how I kick you. You never run and hide. I take advantage of you.
"I like you a lot,". "I really like you, too,". Somehow I just know. You'll say "I love you,". Not now on the phone. But the next time we meet. You'll send chills down my spine.
S oul mates are for saps. O r hopeless romantics, lovers. U ltimately a pointless topic, for those tangled under the covers. L ust and love both seem silly to me.
S till in your arms, this is where I want to stay. T onight here with you, it should always be this way. U nlikely you'd fall for someone like me.
Warning- just slightly hot and heavy. ***. Hands on my neck. Gliding down to my hips. Hold me close. Kiss my lips. Tangle your hands. In my long tousled hair. Guide my hands down your chest.
Takes any boy that glances her way. Clutches tight in hopes he'll stay. Stays up on the phone with him. 'Til the velvety sky grows a morning-time dim. She writes love letters and lengthy poetry.
Light some candles. Play a tune. Grab good book. Read under the moon. It's 5 AM. Guess you won't sleep. You'll make herbal tea. Write down secrets you'll keep. Journal a bit. Write a letter or two.
A new handful of followers Wow, that was quick Looks like they're all newbies I'm just one more writer chick I'm fairly new too Only been here two months But all the sudden there's a flood Of those...
Night, would you please. Take me away. Swallow me up. Away from today. Being me deep down. To the depths where dreams lie. And keep me there safe. In your star-speckled sky. Knock me out cold.
This post is poop, not deleting though as it's a reminder of my drunken New Year's Eve. if you're reading this, do yourself a favor and read a different post.
One more cut. Another burn. Just a sip more. I never learn. One more go. Just one last hit. I'll stop, I will. I can handle it. I don't need this. Can quit anytime. I'm perfectly okay.
America. We're #1. Or so we say. But we're undone. The United States. Is drowning in debt. Our glory days. We seem to forget. Once so strong. We've fallen apart. It's too late now. We can't restart.
New. Newer. Less. Fewer. I'll get slimmer. Skip dinner. Be the clear winner. Thin. Thinnest. Thinner. Thinner. Always thinner. Never enough. Always too much stuff. Too many voices. Too few choices.
Tracing over long healed scars. Cuts unnoticed. Below radars. Hickeys from my one true love. My razorblades. What pain is made of. Memories of scarlet tears. That blur confusion. Dilute my fears.
Love. Is not. Attainable. And lust. Is so. Available. And I am just. So breakable. With feelings. That shatter. So shakeable. My trust. Is not. Attainable. Love is not. Available. I'm not alright.
I'm fine. I would even go as far as to say I'm happy. Until it gets dark. Until you're gone in your own bed somewhere far away floating through unconsciousness.
Maybe you could hold me when I feel alone. Maybe you could keep me close when I'm on the verge of tears. Maybe you could share happy moments with me, too. And maybe you could make me giggle.
Tell me tell me. All your thoughts. Your secrets. Your lies. Everything you've been taught. All the things that you've seen. All the places you've been. All the conversations you've had.
Double sided. Lying slut. Has a boyfriend. And likes another somewhat. She talks all night. On the phone. While she texts the other. A smile they'll condone. The one she's with. Is second to none.
Happy Christmas For I haven't got time To humor you all With a holiday rhyme There's a turkey for roasting And gifts I should wrap There's cocoa to make Carols to overlap I know it's only the...
Wonderland. Twinkling lights. Checkered floor. Psychedelic nights. Tiny doors. And great big seas. Druggy caterpillars. Flower wannabes. A hatter that's mad. A queen that's worse. And grinning cat.
Blonder hair Bluer eyes Prettier face Slimmer thighs More interesting And funnier I'm envious I want to be her You crave that girl But she won't look twice at you You would never admit it Or...
You pinned it. That's just what he is. Crafty, a trickster. With those jumbled thoughts of his. I can't figure him out. And it scares me to death. I like him a lot. But smell lies on his breath.
Keep it secret you say. Why hide it at all. We just got together... I've just started to fall And now you want to hide it. Keep me away. Act like just friends.
I wonder what she'd say. If she could read this post. A poem in a long list of writes. About the boy she loves most. I wonder what she'd think. If she knew how we speak.
Maybe that was a bad move. Now I guess I've let you in. I asked you to join. Let the trouble begin. You already know me. Better than you should. But there're a few secrets I kept.
**I'm a little hot and bothered at the moment- so this write is the slightest bit adult.
Seriously guys What's with me these days.
*** Everyone, I can't take credit for this gorgeous piece. It was written by my good friend and I loved it so much I just had to share it. *** Just his little puppet, I am bound by tangled strings.
How long has it been.
A party just bustling. With strangers, with guests. Filled to the brim with delights. Only the best. Crisp white wines. And rich burgundies. Sweets and snacks. And grommet cheese. Cakes and cookies.
Hair tangled in knots. Twisted down to her waist. In curls like expresso. Brewed in a haste. Eyes like summer skies. And as deep as the sea. Bluest blue with long lashes. And curious as can be.
Flying high. Shallow breath. Lightheaded thoughts. Whimsical Death. Like a dream. No trouble, no rush. No anything, really. Quiet now, hush. Let him take you away. On his grand onyx steed.
I hate my name. It's always bothered me, bored me. It's not something appealing. Not anything special; and then you said it. You said "Sweet dreams," and I just melted.
You make me feel like I'm not a waste. Your color fills up all empty space. And your voice sounds like a symphony. I just can't see how you could fall for someone like me.
Kiss me in a snow storm. Wipe away frozen tears. Hold me like you want to be loved. Tell me your darkest fears. Tear off my clothes. Come so close. Whisper my name. Tell me what you want most.
Come away with me. We'll toss our anchors out to sea. We'll run away somewhere. And fade out without a care. We can be all alone. Where just lonely winds have blown. Adventures await.
"Just eat," you beg. Like it's that easy. As if I can take a mouthful. Without feeling queasy. Like an alcoholic to his liquor. Or a smoker to his smokes. I need emptiness in my gut.
Dirty liar. Jealous bitch. You backstabber. You little snitch. You told him things. I trusted you with. You exaggerated. He's not buying your myth. You told a story. You shook things up.
Start a relationship. Fill it with lies. A cup of kept secrets. And a couple other guys. I dash of fake empathy. And a pair of loose lips. A flutter of the lashes. And a swing of the hips.
I see you in the shadows. Cast on an asphalt street. I see you in music. Hear your voice with every beat. I see your face when I close my eyes. And dream that you sing me to sleep.
Did I do something wrong. To deserve those dark stares. When we pass in the hall You just stop and glare We used to be friends What happened there.
Dear, you're incredible. But you don't see your strength. You won't let anyone in. Keep "friends" at arms length. Try as I may. I can't figure you out. When I think that I have.
You make my heart heat up. And quicken in pace. I'm nervous and lovesick. And adoring the chase. You looking my way. Makes me hide my grin. And I secretly dream. Of your touch on my skin.
I don't want to set out And make goals for myself Can I just lie in your arms And forget everyone else.
I want to discover. And travel. And learn. I want to be free. With excitement at every turn. I want to make music. And artwork all day. I want to write stories. And spend my time at play.
Sit down and write Make words flow on command You expect some great work.
Oh hello, Opuss. I suppose it's your birthday. Or that's what I've been told. And you got started a year ago today. Making you barely a mere year old.
One cut Two cuts Three cuts, four Come now, dear What's one more.
"Be my date,". You'll say with a grin. I'm thankful I have you. With your witty comebacks. And charming smile. Dull moments are fewer than few. I don't know how to dance. But maybe you'll show me.
#Colourchallenge #Midnightblue #nightdwellers I can't rest tonight I'm not sure quite why Maybe I'm cold Or lonely Or stressed And just can't unwind I'm thinking of you And I miss your touch Your...
Sometimes I miss you. Late at night. Alone in my house. In the quiet moonlight. And I sit in bed. And look at pictures of us. And play your favorite songs. Read your notes that are covered in dust.
Tell me what she has What the hell makes her so great Is it her constant jealousy. Her capacity to hate.