The fastest car in the world is my profile picture. That's right, bitches. Eat my 265mph!
As video games, movie sequels and the South American continent has shown us, things can only get better when you add Nazis. After all, haven't any of you guys ever watched 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'?.
Dictionary - Noun, DICTATOR Hello, I'm a dictionary that insults you, bet you never saw that coming..
The New Normal - Noun, YOU COULD PRONOUNCE THAT EASILY Because the only way for gays to be accepted is to put them into a TV sitcom. The Pope should watch this..
French - Noun, FRANÇAIS Le nom de la langue que se parle on France. Car le français est tout beau et tout bien. Je ne pense que vous pouvez comprendre que j'écrit, donc HAHA!.
Opuss - Noun, OPOOOZ Where the cool cats go to play..
Boris Johnson - Noun, BOJO Somehow we allowed an eccentric lisping multicultural politician become the Mayor of London..
Porsche - Noun, IT'S POR-SCHA, NOT PORSH. I bet you don't drive one..
Tumblr - Noun, TUM-BLAAAHHHH A place where even the end of the world and Justin Bieber are celebrated..
Nitrome - Noun, NITS ROME You've heard of it right. You haven't. Why not?!.
Horse - Noun, HOARSE You might find this in some of your food if you're not careful..
Coldplay - Noun, KOLDPLAYA Presumably what penguins listen to..
Martial arts - Noun, MARITAL APPS Everybody was kung fu fighting. Du du du du, those cats were fast as lightning. Du du du, in fact it was a little bit frightening. Du du du du....
Queen - Noun, KWEEN Thunder bolts and lightning, very very frightening. Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo....
Queen Elizabeth - Noun, LIZ Yep, we still have a monarch, that is why we Brits are awesome, not to mention outdated..
New York - Noun, NEW YOUWK New York. Concrete jungle where dreams are made, there's nothing you can't do. Thanks to @were for the suggestion :).
Matryoshka - Noun, YOU REALLY THINK I KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT?. Those things you call Russian dolls, which may not necessarily be Russian everytime..
Change - Noun, CHANJJESS Chh, Chh, Chh, Changes. Turn and face the strain, chh, chh, changes. Don't wanna be a richer man. Chh, chh, chh, changes!.
iPod - Noun, I-POOED Because putting an 'i' in front of something somehow makes it seem more desireable..
Car - Noun, CAAAR A movable living room, but equipped with Bluetooth, ABS, calibers and several other things that haven't existed for very long..
TARDIS - Noun, TAR-THIS Something old - really old, something new, something borrowed, something blue - very blue..
War - Noun, WHARR Huh. What is it good for. Absolutely nought!.
History -Noun, HISS-TORIE HIS story, after all the feminist activists didn't come until the last century..
Iconoclast - Noun, ICON-O-KLAUSSSS Someone who plays on the Logo Quiz app too much..
The Geneva Motor Show is a big event this month, to celebrate I wanted to ask an arguably innocent question: which car company or companies do you guys prefer?.
My neighbours are burning a large bonfire in their back garden and the smoke has not only filled the entire street but has also entered the house too. Do you think I should call the Fire Brigade?.
Mother: (to me) You need to go and buy 12 cartons of juice as well. Sister: She won't be able to carry them, she's too weak. Me: I'm not weak. Sister: Oh really. But I'm stronger.
Have you heard Nelly's new song 'Hey Porsche'. I just did and I am currently taking it an intrinsic insult to car enthusiasts everywhere. Ferdinand is weeping in his grave right now.
Mazda Tribute - Tribute to what or whom exactly. Volkswagen Scirocco - This means dusty or rainy hot wind. So basically another car that not only farts but may also have diarrhoea.
Like or comment if you try this, please :) Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, 'Titanic is syncing', press cancel and feel like a hero..
I learn GCSE Latin, and I am a bit 'nerdy' - that is my only justification for doing this.
Roses are blue, Violets are green, According to science, Colours are just mean..
Yep, double figures for double clutch transmission. Sorry, bad automobile joke. Suzuki Swift - lol, just lol. Chevy Celebrity - Come on, a hater could think of a better name. Pontiac Aztek - Nuf'...
Does anyone here on Opuss other than me watch Top Gear.
Half a dozen: because "six" is way too long for some people..
"I'm not saying she's a slut, I'm just saying she's been banged more times than a snooze button on a Monday morning." One day, when I'm ready, I'll use this on my classmate.
"I'm not insulting you... I'm describing you.".
Volkswagen Transporter - (it's actually a van.) It's stating its obvious function. Imagine the advert...
"Just remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I don't speak english.".
I found this recipe on an iPad mini in an Apple store, I thought I should share this with you guys.
" When we grab you by the ankles. Where our mark is to be made. You'll soon be doing noble work. Although you won't be paid. When we drive away in secret. You'll be a volunteer.
Fiat 500 - '500' implies how many are sold in a year - world wide. (Joking, I love this car). Fiat Panda - Like the animal, it is dying out and can generally go anywhere-ish.
I tried my hand at some Russian Reversal jokes, I hope you like them. - In the UK you find Wally. In Soviet Russia, Wally finds YOU. - In Soviet Russia, meme knows YOU. - In America you follow laws.
I had an excellent plan for my 4pm tea today. So I grabbed a bowl of Honey Shreddies, a banana and a bottle of spring water.
I was on the way home in the car after a busy day at work with my parents. I had noticed that people in Enfield were prone to park their Porsches all over the place.
Vauxhall Nova - Which means 'doesn't go' in Spanish. Ford Caliente - Didn't go down well in Mexico, after all it means 'streetwalker' in Mexican slang.
I was listening to BBC Radio 4 and I knocked my computer audio system over. The stupid part was that I said 'Sorry, Mr Speaker.' And yes, pun intended..
I was really bored, so I decided to make a directory of all the buses in London that I have been on and the direction in which I was travelling in (termination point) - taadah.
Alfa Romeo Brera - 'Brera' is the sound that its engine makes. Pagani Zonda - They obviously made up the word 'Zonda'. Pagani Huayra - How do they expect you to pronounce it. Is it 'Wia' or 'Hurray'.
Ford Model T - What about 'U' or 'V'. Audi Quattro - So it can only hold 4 people. Fiat Uno - Applying the same logic as above, it can only hold one person. Audi TT - What does TT stand for.
Dacia Duster - It's a 4x4, it is likely to be driven off road. Therefore it WILL get dusty. Aston Martin DB... - What does 'DB' even stand for.
Honda Acty Crawler - Does it have wheels or 6 legs. Mitsubishi Mirage - The car that you only think you are driving. Volkswagen Golf - Is it as boring to drive as the game is to watch.
Ford Escort - Basically a chaperone, it goes wherever you go. AMC Gremlin - Is the car full of them. It looks like it is. Hyundai Amica - This car wants to be your best friend no matter what.
All of these are real cars and you can still see some in the UK. Some of their names have been changed since they came here - especially the Japanese ones.
"Do you remember what I said earlier about talking to myself and how I feel more intelligent that way?". "Yes?". "Well, it turns out that even my head is full of s**te.".
I forgot to thank the followers - thank you. With all due respect, nmaelietta.
Thanks to all you 'Opussers' (is that right?) for all reposts, likes and comment (from fiffistyles). These are much appreciated. With all due respect, nmaelietta .
"Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car...
"This is the first time in my lifetime that Irish people are able to go: 'What. You're going to England. It's full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We've no terrorists at all.
"Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation." Jimmy Carr.
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." Oscar Wilde.
"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… That's what gets you." Jeremy Clarkson.
"Poisson... d'aeroplane...?" Alan Davies, when asked on QI what 'flying fish' is in French.
"Americans are good at herding Bison. The end." Jeremy Clarkson.
"Our interest's on the dangerous edge of things, The honest thief, the tender murderer, the superstitious atheist." Robert Browning.
Roses are blue, Violets are red, I should mention that I am colourblind, So colours get mixed up in my head..
( '-' ) ( | : ) ( .-. ) ( : | ) ( '-' ) They see me rolling. >:( /:O :< They hating..
Where you have coughed dramatically in front of a smoker to make them feel bad?.
Roses are red Violets are red Trees are red... OH MY WORD. My garden is on fire!.
I was going to tell you a joke about Voldemort, the only problem is that nobody noses it..
I hate the fact that there are no female petrol heads - are they hiding or something.
"It flies, and can be stopped by no one save the man with 12 hands and no face." See next page for answer. The answer is 'time' and it can be captured by a clock..
"The beginning of end, the end of time. The last of time and space. The beginning of eternity and the end of every place." See next page for answer... The answer is the letter 'e'.
Where you've heard someone ugly say "I need my beauty sleep" when in fact they need to hibernate?.
I think Apple scammed us. I mean think about it... Airplane mode. This morning I turned my iPod on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it. Worst Transformer ever.
Computer: "Error message 404 - page not found." Me: "Well bro go and find it.".
I don't know how to use this app properly. I keep re posting everything!.
"Dear Icebergs, ever so sorry to hear about global warming, Karma is a b***h. With all due respect, The Titanic.".
Brunette: "Was that lightning?" Blonde: "No, they're taking pictures for Google Earth.".
Inventor: "I have this new concept contraption that I wish to present to you." Entrepreneur: "And what is this device called?" Inventor: "It is called... THE iPOW.
Where you have 36779322568966886578 tabs open and you can't figure out which one the music is coming from?.
"Of course I talk to myself. I need an intelligent conversation every now and again.".