3am Poetry

i don't know anything anymore...
well, except for the fact that I love you...
i don't know if i can do this anymore.
i used to feel certain
that you wanted us to be an us
as much as i did
and now i don't feel like that's true.
it doesn't feel like you're really ready for it...
even if you were free to be.
i just turned 29.
i know it's not very old,
but i want a fighting chance at a life together with someone i love.
with someone who is going to fight to be with me.
who loves me enough to change their life
and make room for me to be a part of it.
i have been patient.
i have been kind.
i have loved you with every ounce of my being.
i don't know what else to do...
i asked you earlier where you wanted to be in a year
and you had no clue:
if you asked me the same I would have answered
"with you".
so
yeah
i don't want to lose you
i don't want to go

but i think i might have to let go
of the hopes and dreams i have been holding on to
for its like grasping at thin air
it only feels like something when you're moving,
when you stop and hold still you realize
there's really nothing there at all