6 August 2012
Computer: This is the RAW Association. (Royal Animals of the Wild). Please wait on hold for one of our operators.
Hold Music plays for 17 mins (Akunamatata, The Lion King)
Platypus: Hello, this is the RAW Association. How may I help you?
Customer: I'm afraid my cat has a claim to royalty that is troubling her deeply.
Platypus: We'll put on one of our fluent Cat speakers. Please put your cat on.
Cat: Meow.
Cat Speaker: Yes. I agree.
Cat: Meow, meow, ME-ow, purr.
Cat Speaker: Ahh. I see. Would you like me to check the Pussykins family tree for you?
Cat: Meow.
Cat Speaker: Ok. I'll get a librarian to check. The results should be with us within a week.
Cat: Growl.
Cat Speaker: No we can not do it any quicker.
Cat: GROWL.
Car Speaker: I'm sorry, we do not respond to threats.
Cat: GROWL GROWL.
Cat Speaker: Ok, Ok, I'll give you free catnip for a month just don't use me as your scratching post!
Platypus: Madam, the results should be through by the 13th.
Customer: Of August?
Platypus: Yes, what other month?
Customer: Well there's January, February, Ma-
Platypus: *Beep*
Customer: She hung up! She actually hung up on ME!
Cat: Well, you are pretty annoying...
Customer: Oh my little Kitten, are you purring?
Cat: No, I'm insulting you.
Dog: Lucky she doesn't speak cat, hey?
Cat: Speaking of which, since when did you speak it...?
How Can I Help You Today? • Opuss № I