I'm a cat with attitude. Don't you mess with me! If you try anything I will make you flee.
Firstly run some cold water from the tap. Take an empty bottle and fill it with the water. Replace lid and enjoy at your own leisure.
What happens if you don't wash out anti dandruff shampoo out your hair properly ?.
I thought my wife had left me as I hadn't seen her for two days, found her in the spare room with a piece of paper with PTO on both sides.
Just been reminded of a classic from the wife. When she was asked about the new baby monitor we had just brought.
Been away for a few days but was looking forward to the advertised menu of traditional English breakfast.
Things you wouldn't hear in a children's program. Where's the vajazzle. Can you see the vajazzle. Let's look over there.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook. But she called me the other day as she lost the recipe for toast.
Go to the shop, Go to bread shelf, Buy bread, Go home, Eat bread, (add butter for extra flavour).
I got a new sat nav from my wife.
I looked at the alarm clock, it was 3.47 I knew I heard something down stairs. laying in silence I waited to hear another noise, a small scuff came from down the stairs , I knew I was not alone.
Prologue- After running out of ideas.
A white horse walks into a bar and asks for a pint, the bartender replies and says funny this pub is named after you, Alan's a funny name for a bar replied the horse.
I was talking to a friend about food, when they told me that they had to laugh when there partner told them they wanted something warm and filling in side them.
I was talking to a friend about food, when they told me that they had to laugh when there partner told them they wanted something warm and filling in side them.
I know a Sikh comedian his name is Jo Singh.
What do you call an elephant who can fly. An Elecopter.
If cyclops had his powers in his penis would he still be called cyclops. I know it still makes sense but would he be able to resist the name. THE ONE EYED MONSTER.
I wake each night and it's all the same. How can I take away the pain, When all see is misery and fame. Your a distant memory from the person that I used to be.
(\ /) (\ /) ( . .) (._.) c(”)(”) (")(")o.
What do you call a girl who can balance a pint glass on her nose while juggling beer mats. Beertricks.
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What would happen if a zombie bit a vampire. The vampire would drink the blood and get infected right, but the vampire is already dead so.
If all bad things where real, like zombies and vampires, who would rule the world..
What do you call a girl who catches butterfly's. Annette.
What a boring job that must be, breaking biscuits for the boxes of broken biscuits.
Midwife- How do you know your about to give birth Me- a head popping out your vagina is always a tale tell sign.
I was looking on the net for some good deals on ds games when I came over a Korean web sight that had a really good deal, it was 2 for 1 on Nintendogs and cooking moma.
I got some of them sex dice to spice up the love live, I told the wife and she was game, I rolled first and got stroke-fingers.
I have been asked by my friends to go to the local pub quiz, but I don't know anything about pubs.