Often I wish things were different. I don't have any actual regrets, life would just be easier if events played out in another way. I've tried to put my finger on it - but then again I already contemplate too much.
Perhaps it's the distance... perhaps it's not. Im not particulary unhappy, actually I've never felt more hopeful, but when the thoughts catch me there is no one to calm me down, to support me and to bring me back.
I think I will always hold back a part of myself, and unfortunatley it might be my best part. It's to protect you - I try to say to myself... But I know it's not true. Maybe one day I'll be able to release everything and be cured from the pattern that I've learned to live after.
But don't get me wrong - everything I said I felt for you is true. And I feel incredibly fortunate to be with you. It's just the lonelyness that comes with your absence that entangles me with a thorny vine and it hurts.
Often I wish things would be different. I don't have any actual regrets, life would just be easier if events played out in another way.
I miss you so much. And I wish we had more time together. Every beat of my heart is for you. For now, for tomorrow and for eternity.
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