Fatigue

I'm tired of not knowing who I am. I know that sounds strange and weird and twisted but, believe me, it's unintended. I don't mean to come off dark and brooding but, unfortunately, there's no better way to put it. I'm tired of constantly having to question the type of person I am. The things I'm ok with and those I'm not. The things I like and those I don't. The people I can tolerate and those I can't. Am I just saying or thinking something because I've been conditioned to or is it really what I think?

I know I'm young and that this self-awareness should come with time but I can't wait. I want to find out the type of person I'll be in 5... 10... 15 years... now. Will she still like rock music? Will she think sex before marriage is ok? Will she be religious? Will her favorite color still be red?

This constant soul-searching phase, as I've put it before, is torture for me - someone who always has to know where they're going and who they are. It's like constantly being suspended in mid-air waiting for a change of circumstances or just plain chance to make you change everything you once believed in... or thought you did.

I envy you, people who have themselves all figured out. Every time I question myself, I feel like a person within a person, questioning a stranger I'm still trying to get to know...