18 November 2012
So as a woman you are supposed to be designed to bare a child, wider hips, breasts to feed, a womb to grow the foetus, so when you have a miscarriage you automatically feel like a failure, I sobbed for weeks after I lost my little blip.
I was only 8 weeks pregnant and I was walking along blissfully unaware of the cruelty of some human beings. If you can call them that. I walked through a group of teenage lads who asked me if they could borrow a quid. I said I didn't have any money, which actually was very true I only had my cards. But that didn't stop them, before I could even realise that I should run I was being circled by ten lads and being shoved between them all I warned them I was pregnant and they just laughed! They grabbed my bag and tipped it all over the floor and looked very angry when they realised there wasn't even a purse in there, just my debit card which was loosely in my bag. Good job my phone was in my pocket!
They swore at me and one of the boys spat in my face, I was crying by this point begging them to let me go. I tried to walk past them and one of the boys shoved their handle bars of their bike into my stomach. It hurt like hell. Really really hurt. I collapsed to the floor and they all took turns to spit on me and then as quick as it happened they had gone. I got up and clutching my stomach went to my aunties who phoned an ambulance.
They checked me over and said I'd be absolutely fine and that the baby should be fine as they're well protected in our wombs!
Well fast forward 2 days and I start bleeding heavily, and game over, I look into the toilet and the huge clot I lost is the image ill forever hold of the baby I could have held in my arms 7 months later (it was the embryo) I felt empty and alone.
The hospital did a scan to check that my womb was empty and it was, I didn't need any procedure to scrape away the last remnants. It was final, I had a miscarriage.
Was it that I wasn't good enough in protecting my unborn baby or was it the murderous bastards that shoved a bike into my stomach, knowing full well that I was pregnant as I had told them when they began shoving me around, before the bike was even involved. Who knows? Ill always blame myself in some way shape or form. Times a great healer though and I'm finally after years, at the point where it doesn't hurt as much, and I can talk about it without crying. Time may be a great healer but I will never forget! The little blip would be a child right now, instead it's a beautiful star, looking over its mummy.
Miscarriage • Opuss № I