8 December 2012
Once upon a time there were three bears,
All lived happily without any cares,
There was a mum, dad and baby,
If you believe the tale you must be crazy,
Daddy bear was gay but Mummy didn't know it,
Baby bear was no baby he was a dwarf full of bullshit,
Mummy lived in denial that her family was perfect,
Surely keeping up appearances was absolutely worth it?
One day the three bears went out for lunch,
Daddy left early, Mummy followed him on a hunch,
She walked in on Goldilocks and Daddy,
The sight was ghastly Dad really was a baddy,
Goldilocks wasn't a sweet gorgeous girl,
She was a man in drag with a wig full of curls,
Seems Dad had a fetish for men in drag,
Which made Mummy bear no more than a fag hag,
I wish I could tell you there was a happy every after,
But for the no-so-perfect family all it spelled was disaster,
Mummy bear was on her own,
Crying to Grandmother down the phone,
Daddy bear came out of the closet,
Saved up for his condo paid the deposit,
Baby bear joined the circus they loved the dwarf bear,
And Goldilocks was glad the wig he needn't wear!
The Three Bears • Opuss № I