Break Time
Sitting down, feet up, With coffee in a cup. Slice of Cake on a plate, Housework can surly wait. Well at least for 5mins PLEASE..
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shazydee
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41
Stories
26
Followers
Stories by @shazydee (41)
Psychotic Girl
Today, you broke my heart, said you wanted to be apart. I didn't have any god damn choice, for you wouldn't hear my voice. The usual, it's not you but me, how stupid and blind could I be.
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Brought Back To Reality
Just been brought back to earth, watching news after Olympic show and have just found out that Stuart Hazel has been charged with murder of Tia, hope he rots and hangs in jail and that would be too...
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PROUD TO BE BRITISH
WHAT A SHOW . YOU HAVE . MADE US ALL . PROUD TO BE . BRITISH. WELL . DONE LONDON . 2012 .
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Greatest Show On Earth
Just watching the closing ceremony and it was nice that the volunteers were recognised for their hard work and now just waiting for the army to be thanked for filling in with the seating, lol, ...
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Man Jokes
I know these jokes are old but I found them funny.
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Marigolds 16+
M an your naked, what a delight, A pair of gloves, what a sight. R ubber gets me going, I like to see you growing. G ot me on my bended knees, O h you know how to aim and please.
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The Dream
#household Last night I had a vision, Of you upon my cushion You wanted to make whoopee, All I wanted was a cup of coffee, But you were so full of dirty passion.
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The Dream
#household I had this vision, Of you upon my cushion. You wanted to make whoopee, All I wanted was a coffee. You started to plead and beg, Said your little man was as stiff as a peg.
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Why Do I Smile
This is true, My daughter, when she was about 3 years old said, " why do I smile when I go to the toilet", ( think of no 2s)..
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Backwards, Forwards
No, backwards, no forwards, forwards, now move your hand back a bit, now move your hand forward, slowly, good now give it a good rub, don't be shy, that's it, ok ok yes yes your there, agghh,...
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Oh So Tired
( •• ) ME ( @ ) YAWNING ( 0 ).
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Meow
/\_/\ A (@@) CAT > 0 < IN A \/_\/ BASKET \___/ SAYING GOODNIGHT XXX.
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This Will Not Do
Oh no, this will not do, Kids to feed and housework chores to do. Oh no, this will not do, Shopping to get, And washing and ironing to do.
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My Favourite Book
My favourite book is called, This Ole House, and is based on a true story.
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147 words
Lateral Thinking No 6
I have tried to make this one harder, Can you answer this puzzle, 10 10 10 = 950 How?.
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Big Boobs
Another old joke,. A woman says to her husband,. " I think I need a breast enlargement as they have gotten smaller",. He replies,.
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Lateral Puzzle No 5
What occurs once in June and once in July but twice in August?.
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Lateral Puzzle No 4
A husband and wife raced through the streets, they stop and the husband gets out of the car, when he returns he finds his wife dead and a stranger in his car, why?.
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Lateral Puzzle, No 3
A man is on a island without any food or drink and yet he doesn't fear for his life, how is this so?.
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Lateral Puzzle No 2
What is black when you buy it, Red when you use it and Grey when you throw it away?.
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Anger
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret..
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The Artist And The Drunk
An artist was sketching on the side of a road when a drunk stumbled into a nearby gutter. The artist decided to sketch the drunk.
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Lateral Thinking Puzzle
A baby falls out of a twenty story building and hits the ground and lives. How can this be so?.
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Goals In Life
I can, I must, I will..
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Life
Born crying, live complaining, Die disappointed..
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Go Team GB
Just watched the greatest show on earth, 3 golds, Makes you proud to be British, go team GB..
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The Dilemma
My husband thinks he is losing his mind, he has just asked me if I can hear or have heard a cat meowing as he keeps hearing it, I of course have told him, (with a straight face and acting full of...
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Blind Man
This is an old joke. Mother superior was taking a bath when a sister knocked on her door, "Mother superior there is a blind man to see you".
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Fantasy
Every woman's fantasy is to have 2 men at once, That is, 1 to do the cooking and 1 to do the cleaning.
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Mottos
Please tell me you motto, Mine is, I would rather have load of friends and 1 enemy than 1 friend and a load of enemy's. Also, Treat people how you want to be treated.
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Love Affair
My heart is in a spin, My lips, locked in a grin, As our live affair is about to begin. My body begins to sway And I feel all gay, As our love affair gets to halfway.
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I'm Doing It
Stablish, you say anyone can write, So, I draw a deep deep breath and another, I clear the dusty cobwebs from my thoughts, I sit upright and compose my weary body, I repeat the words,...
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86 words
Your Next
When I was younger, I hated going to weddings as aunts and grannies would poke me and laugh and say , "you'll be next", They soon stopped that shit when I started doing that to them at funerals..
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38 words
Knock Knock
Knock knock, Who's there. Banana, Banana who. Knock knock, Who's there. Banana, Banana who. Knock knock Who's there. Banana, BANANA WHO. Knock knock, WHOS THERE, Orange, Orange who.
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Good And Bad
There is good and bad in every race, colour, religion and sex..
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How To Ruin A Guys Ego
Four words to ruin a guys ego, Is it in yet.
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The Blonde And The Thermos
A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She asked the coffee shop worker, "do you think this is big enough to take 6 cups of coffee".
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Spice Life
Last weekend my husband added some spice to our sex life, He left home..
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Happy Day
Today is a happy day For my family and me, For you see after today my Other half will be finally free.
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How Times Have Changed
When I was growing up, my mum would come and take away my books / comics that I would be reading at night when I should have been asleep.
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