23 December 2012
It appears that Father Christmas who was last seen in Norway, as been arrested tonight after being found drunk and disorderly with the last remnants of a WHISKEY bottle.
The details are still sketchy but reports say he was the cause of a tragic accident that caused the death of socialite and ARISTOBRAT Miss Penelope Lacey.
It seems the multi millionaire heiress needed to SWERVE to avoid hitting him on a narrow lane, this caused her to lose control of the car and end up in a ball of flames in the FJORD, the family have been notified but are too busy looking down their noses at everyone else to properly identify the body.
His arrest has brought to light some of his unshady dealings, it appears Father Christmas had been unable to shake off his back in the 'HOOD' days. Several of his elves have come forward with accusations that he was actually their PIMP! seems he has been living off immoral earnings for at least a decade, and had considered himself too FLY to ever be caught.
One particular ELF who shall remain nameless has told of wild orgies with crack cocaine in abundance that have been taking place on a regular occurrence in the grotto. He is still being questioned and will remain in police custody before appearing at his local magistrates court.
Reported by Sienna
Breaking News................ • Opuss № I