31 December 2012
Turning south onto Wilshire road I happened to look back and saw him standing on the curb. I didn't know his name but, his face had haunted my dreams all the way through childhood. That day in the desert the heat was sweltering and sweat poured down my face and stung my eyes as I pressed on further . I had come some 2600 miles and 32 years in my life to see this man, and as I passed him on the curb, the resemblance was obvious.
It took about Six hours to reach my destination. I hadn't really noticed though, I was more focused on old memories, and it seems at times the past has a way of getting in the way of the future, as it had on this day. Stopping my old Ford pick-up had a sense of being reborn as the heavy truck came to a lumbering stop and rested upon a carpet of sand. Stepping out onto the desert floor I would reemerge into the present seeking to find answers to the future but, all the clues and questions were in the past. Traveling with a ghost can be exhausting.
For a moment I was taken in by the majestic beauty of the great mountain range, but never being here before, I had a quiet peace about me and a strong sense that I had traveled here before, and somehow, in the grandeur, I had somehow returned home..for the first time. The air seem to wrap itself around me, perhaps embracing a long lost child. There in front of me stood the great mountain just as he had told me in my dream. But now, it was real and it was swallowing me. A few birds flew over high sailing on the breath of God and disappeared into the deep sea blue horizon. A cloud slowly danced its way across the sky and swallowed the air that supported it. I just stood there watching and listening, grounded to the desert floor. I couldn't move, somehow I had been transported outside of myself and everything shifted.
I knew this journey had ended and another one was about to begin and the thought saddened me. For a moment a tear presented itself and slid gracefully down my cheek making a track on my dust caked face, as does the the mighty desert rains when they etch new rivers into the earth. The night started settling in stealing the light of the day.the sun cast deep shadows on the face of the mountain and I watched them as faded away. In a moment they had all vanished as quickly as they had come, and with them, the memory of him also was washed away and overtaken by the darkness of nightfall. There was a peace and silence like I had never before experienced. The comfort of a close friend maybe? The desert night air began to chill over me and for a moment, I knew I was alone. Alone except for the presence of God.
I slept in the bed of my truck that first night out on the desert floor. The gear I had packed lacked everything of creature comfort and contained just the basics. Traveling lightly can make for a quick exodus if need be. So laying on my quilt on a bed of steel I quickly began re- thinking my idea of what 'basic' really meant. Looking up at the black sky, I tried reading the message of the stars. They all looked so close and out of habit I reached for one to pluck it from its heavenly landscape, but soon realized that it was only an optical illusion and would have better luck fly fishing for trout out here in the desert. Both ideas were ridiculous and I pushed them from my thoughts. In the distance a coyote called after her cub. Sleep would come quick that night and my mind was filled with so many uncertainties that there was no room for dreams or to be frightened.
Rolling over I heard them. Sniffing, scratching and waiting. Quickly I reached for my rifle and chambered a round and blindly fired of a shot. The round pierced the stillness of the gray morning and the coyote pack rapidly dispersed, and now alone in the desert dawn, I knew I was not alone here. It seems to escape from ones reality, you must enter into the realm of the unknown. The morning light brought on the heat rather sudden and again the desert was alive and breathing. I looked forward out into the great mountain range and it looked so close, but realizing I still had some distance to travel, I gathered up my gear and wrestled with the idea of heading back to my life as I knew it. At least back there I wouldn't have to confront any ghosts that I might conjure up here.
I climbed up into the old truck and grasped the steering wheel. Heading for the base of the mountain, I never looked back. I was like a soldier pressing forward at the announcement of a command from someone higher in the food chain. I was looking for something that I had only seen in a dream and maybe, just maybe, it wasn't my dream at all? I had come this far and in the back of my mind all across the miles, I always knew I couldn't go back. I didn't know the answers I sought in this desert, but I did know the answers were not where I had already been. The answers it seems had eluded me just as he had while I was growing up. I was ready now in this journey for a peek behind the veil. I had prepared myself for this all my life, but it was quite unsettling and for the first time ever, I was terrified.........
Journey • Opuss № I