1 January 2013
"I am terrified" I say to myself A mantra in my head As if saying it out loud would give me some kind of comfort It doesn't This isn't AA
The future looms ahead of me It looks back at me sometimes laughing and mocking
I was not prepared for this I was not told that this would come so soon That I would feel so unprepared I was only told that I "have plenty of time" Said the adults But I don't That day that was always so far away is not so far away anymore It is here And I am terrified
I want success Though I feel that I will not deserve it What if it goes to my head. Is wanting something like this already condemning my humility? I am terrified that it is But maybe this terror is condemning success anyways
I want happiness But how can I be happy without knowing what it is that will make me happy Do I want to get married? Do I want to have kids? This is all so confusing And I am terrified
I want to be safe Is this a thing to be desired or does this just give me more obstacles to conquer in the long run?
So many questions Not enough answers And not enough time to ask for them
"You have plenty of time" They all told me "Don't worry about that now"
But now all I can do is worry Because that day is here And that day is now And I was not prepared
And I am terrified.
© Dana L. 2013
Terrified • Opuss № I