Pizza

@heyimkate

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Benjamin Franklin.

@SamofthePryce

Childhood Fears

'When I was a kid, I was scared of the dentist - he was a paedophile.' --Jimmy Carr.

@im_a_ninja0104

Me: What's the Indiana state flower. Mom: Let's see if Siri can be a dumb bitch. *opens Siri* What's the Indiana state flower.

@heyimkate

Common sense and a sense of humour are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour is just common sense dancing :).

@birdyg

A Friend...

A good friend will bail you out of jail... A best friend will be sat next to you saying "that was brilliant".

@RedWednesday

Far & Near

Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so near to Monday?....

@RossyTheWorm

Flying

"The knack lies in learning how to throw your self at the ground and miss." Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

@taffy01

If happiness comes in small packages.. What comes in big packages?.