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theWriter

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Stories by @theWriter (70)

theWriter
theWriter

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????????????????????????. So this is what 'writer's block looks like'.

2 0 9 words
theWriter
theWriter

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If it's zero degrees today and tomorrow is supposed to be twice as cold, what will tomorrow's temperature be?.

6 1 19 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Never confuse your career with your life..

8 0 7 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Always speak well of your enemies - after all, you made them..

6 0 12 words
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theWriter

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The bigger they are the harder they hit!.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things..

14 1 11 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!.

6 0 11 words
theWriter
theWriter

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If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation..

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theWriter
theWriter

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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong!.

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theWriter
theWriter

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One good turn usually gets most of the blanket..

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theWriter

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Most of us know a good thing as soon as someone else sees it..

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theWriter
theWriter

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What's ET short for. Because he has little legs..

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theWriter

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What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia. One of them is organised..

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theWriter

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No matter who you vote for the Government always seems to get in..

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theWriter
theWriter

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Artificial Inteligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!!!.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Is French-kissing in France just called kissing?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why is it called Alcholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'my name is Bob, and I'm an alcoholic?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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When Eskimos sit on the ice for too long, do they end-up getting Polaroids?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?.

4 1 4 words
theWriter
theWriter

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If I save time, when do I get it back?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?.

8 2 14 words
theWriter
theWriter

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What do people in China call their good plates?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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We know the speed of light, but what's the speed of dark?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If you try to fail but succeed, which have you done?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk in the garage?.

4 1 19 words
theWriter
theWriter

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If someone with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation??.

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theWriter
theWriter

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How come wrong numbers are never busy?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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How can you identify a person using their dental records. If you don't know who they are, you certainly won't know who their dentist is!.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the Earth?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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How do 'keep off the grass' signs get where they are?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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How comes Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?.

8 1 19 words
theWriter
theWriter

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I've just finished my latest invention, a device for looking through walls. It's called a window..

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theWriter
theWriter

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I've invented a new gadget for speeding up work on production lines - its called a whip!.

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theWriter

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Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If corn oil is made of corn, and vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what's baby oil made from?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If Polish people are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If someone with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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They say there is a lot in a name, but tell me was Cilla Black, was Barry White, was Marvin Gaye?.

4 1 21 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Why do people without watches always look at their wrist when anyone asks them the time?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a sell-by date?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If we're here to help others, then what are the others here for?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one dies..

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theWriter

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Why do toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If we're here to help others, then what are the others here for?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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How come a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?.

10 2 28 words
theWriter
theWriter

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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?.

2 1 10 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Why can't a woman put on mascara with her mouth closed?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why are wrong numbers never busy?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why is there only one monopolies commission?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Why is there only one monopolies commission?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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If a man stands in the middle of a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?.

16 2 22 words
theWriter
theWriter

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Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?.

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theWriter
theWriter

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Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA?.

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