24 April 2012
Yesterday, federal warrants were issued and afterward served at numerous churches, mosques, synagogues and other places of worship throughout the country in an effort to locate, arrest and, subsequently, put on trial the omnipotent drug Lord God, a.k.a. Jehovah, Yahweh, Elohim, etc. Irrefutable evidence has been shown proving that he/she is responsible for the widespread growth of the wicked weed Cannabis, a.k.a. Marijuana, Mary Jane, Ganja, etc. Also, with this revelation comes the news that if you are seen coming from or going to any houses of God it is probable you will be considered to be aiding and abetting a fugitive of justice and/or, because the Department of Homeland Security has linked the drug trade with terrorism, you may even be deemed a suspect in a terrorism investigation and face indefinite detention at Camp Delta at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.
This just in… Today, in an alleged shootout with Special Forces team Alpha-Omega, God, his Son and, with the help of EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon), EMF (Electro-Magnetic Frequency), IR (Infra-Red) and other technologies provided by T.A.P.S. (Trans-Atlantic Paranormal Society), the Holy Ghost were, as one, terminated and thereafter, according to religious doctrine, wrapped in a white shroud and placed in a sealed tomb. An investigation into the siege is currently being conducted by several agencies and we are told that the media will have full access to the site after 3 days for both visual and physical confirmation.
...In God Weed Bust • Opuss № I