13 June 2012
A less than serious look at 'the beautiful game'.
You can almost taste the tension in the air around the magnificent Olympic Stadium in Kiev where England are playing Sweden in their second group match of the European Championships. Both sets of fans are biting their fingernails to the bone as the clock tick-tocks into time added on. The score is 1 - 0, the only goal being scored by the England veteran Glen, playing his 200th game for his country. The much respected and hugely experienced Swiss referee glances at his watch as Gerrard controls the ball 10 yards from the corner flag and slides one of his precision passes to the feet of Glen who cleverly deceives himself and everybody else by tripping over. Fortunately the ball rebounds off the shins of the unsuspecting Swedish captain and Glen is quick to recover and steers the ball into the path of Stablish who with one touch flicks it into the air where it seems to hover momentarily, inviting the volley. 'Stabby' pivots on his left foot and swings his trusty right at the ball. The contact is far from perfect as the ball skims off the outside of his boot but as is the case quite often in these circumstances the ' bad touch ' deceives the goalkeeper who dives despairingly low to his left as the ball screams high into the opposite corner! Goallll!!! Two nillll! England are losing 2 - 0 with own goals from Glen and Stablish.... As the Swedes celebrate, the England players surround the referee claiming some sort of infringement but he waves their objections aside as he struts back to the centre circle - the cocky little Nazi! On the England bench Weirdwolf, the England manager, sobs uncontrollably, "Mein gott!" he cries in his native German as his assistant, Smelly Fingers, sticks one on the fourth official, instantly wiping the smug grin of his face. "Mein gott!" repeats Weirdwolf, " Du firkink nord London vankers!" Somewhere in the crowd leelee101,the official England mascot, pulls a gun out of his handbag...er, sorry, kitbag and with tears streaming down his face puts it to his head and pulls the trigger...but being English, he misses! Meanwhile, back at home Aleishagayle20 has to find some new underwear as she pisses herself laughing. Phweeet! Well that's it - the final whistle has gone. They think it's all over ---but is it?
Fantasy Football • Opuss № I