15 February 2012
I want to see myself from others eyes. Do they hate me as much as I hate myself? Do they despise me? Do they abhor the ugliness in my heart like I do?
It was a warm October day. The sun beating down for the last few days before winter set in. The area around the shack was surrounded by long grass. Nobody had been in there for years. Back during the times, Leela had always made sure the grass was cut short. “It doesn’t look that shabby now, does it?” she used to tell me after cutting the grass for over an hour, smiling. Her smile, so radiant…
Oh, Leela! You hate me too, don’t you?
I pushed through the grass blocking my path and paused outside the worn wooden door. I slowly pressed it. It creaked open, slowly revealing the interior. Like a monstrous maw before it engulfs it’s victim.
It was a tiny shack. Left as it was for the most part from the British Raj times. The wooden planks which held together the shack were still strong albeit mouldy in some areas. It wasn’t much to look at from the outside and it wasn’t much from the inside either. Dinghy mats, for sleeping purposes, were rolled up and stacked at one end of the shack. At the other end was the ‘kitchen’ comprising of a single rusty stove, few clay pots neatly lined up against the wall and a small stone statue of a deity positioned in a corner. There was nothing in the middle simply because there was no middle. The shack was too small.
You never complained, Leela. You could’ve stayed enveloped in your father’s wealth, but you followed me here. I didn’t have anything to give you, but you still gave it all up for me.
You made me ugly Leela, so ugly. You made my heart black.
I stood still for a moment brushing aside the resurfacing memories and moved to the bed. The walls were still stained. Though the blood had begun to look black over time.
It was all your fault, Leela. You shouldn’t have had such a radiant smile.
Sudden voices disturbed my thoughts. The occasional tourist party, I guessed. Nobody else came here. The guide’s loud voice floated down, “And so beautiful Lady Leela and her poor lover eloped. They lived happily for years but Lady Leela was so beautiful it started making her lover insecure. He became too jealous and possessive of her.” “Lady Leela’s beauty had enchanted many others before so one day when a passing angreezi soldier chanced upon Lady Leela, he was smitten by her beauty. He tried to woo her, but Lady Leela remained unflinching in her rejections.” The tourists’ chatter had died down. They were tethered on to every word the guide said. I moved closer to the door now. I could see their rapt faces through the window. “Lady Leela did not tell her lover of this, she knew it would upset his heart and she was afraid of his temper. So, one day when, on returning from his daily labour, the lover found Lady Leela to be serenaded by another man, he went mad with fury and jealousy. He killed both of them with his bare hands in this very shack.”
Gasps and shocked mutters ran through the small crowd. The horror of it! How could he do that to his sweet, gentle lover?
Your love was like poison, Leela. It made me do horrible things. You’re gone, but your love still haunts me.
I closed my eyes, slowly feeling my essence fade. I would return. Like I always did. This was my purgatory. I caught the guide’s last words, before I completely faded away, “…killed himself because he couldn’t bear the guilt of his actions. It is said that his restless spirit still lingers here. Waiting for the day he’ll be relieved of his burden.”
Love Corrupts • Opuss № I