76% sugar
Her: I got a new 40" plasma tv, it's huge. Him: Mine isn't that big but it does the job. Me: That didn't sound rehearsed at all..
Her: Why is this file in here. Me: I dunno. Her: Ah he just stuck it in the wrong box. Me: *snigger*.
Him: I ate a half-cooked sausage last wkend and sure enough I got sick. Her: Ugh. I hate raw sausage. (Spots me sniggering) What's so funny. Me: Nuh-uh. Too easy..
Oo I'm just at the bit where Rambo says "uh wuh huh uh wuh wuh". Classic..
Has anyone else spotted that Rambo II is basically a total rip off of Hot Shots: Part Deux?.
Him: I thought I had roadtested the vehicle for 3 miles but it was actually for about 1.5. Me: Typical bloke - thinks it's longer than it was..
Watching Aliens. Alone. Oh fuck it's scary--OH MY GOD RUN, RIPLEY. GET OUTTA THERE!. IT'S PAUL REISER--FUCKING RUN!!!.
Him1: Are they ever getting married. Him2: I heard she was giving him the kibosh. Me: Sounds sore..
Him1: That car you're looking for, it's in that garage, but it's not in that garage, y'know. Him2: Uh. No. Me: Does it belong to a quantum physicist by any chance?.
Me: Ooh check out that Mercedes. Her: Nah, the windows are too small. Why is that. Me: That's so they don't have to see poor people..
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be..
Ugh. I have to start going to the gym more often. I have more rolls under my top than Vanessa Feltz in a bakery..
Him: That damn woman on the phone kept calling me 'Mick'. Me: Well, she was one letter off if you ask me..
Her: Did you know men are 25 times more likely to kill. Me: Yeah but women are 25 times more likely to MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL THEM.
Him: Who's writing with the pink pen. Me: Is that a euphemism?.
Me (seeing coworker fiddling with tape measure): First - there's a time and a place for that. Second - you don't need that much tape..
Her: Those cashew nuts I had yesterday really messed up my stomach Me: I'm sure the boyfriend was pleased to hear nuts don't agree with you.
iPhone autocorrect just tried to change "bastards" to "badgers" - nobody tell the UK gov, I think they're looking for reasons to cull them.