27 June 2012
Women;
Three weeks before;
Book hair, nail, eyebrow appointmentBuy hair colourSearch e-bay for new outfitLook at your womanly physique in the mirror... decide thatyou need to lose a stone in 3 weeks, so make mental note todo workout, sit-ups, squats, etc, every daySave small amount of your favourite toiletries, facecleanser, toner, eye make up remover, day cream, nightcream, eye cream, factor 15 for the face and factor 8 forthe body (the sun WILL come out), body lotion, shower gel,shampoo, conditioner, hair product one (to give it body),hair product two (to make it straight), hair product three(to make it glossy) hair product four (so it does notfrizz), hair product five (to keep it in place)
Two weeks before;
Buy new outfit (two of just in case) off e-bay, found usingsearches such as 'Biker babe', 'biker rally outfit', 'blackGoth', 'black Basque ladies', etc...Start tan-tastic preparations, scrub flesh and moisturise
The week before;
Dye hair, hair cut, buy new hair productEyebrows waxedManicure (and pedicure if its summer)Apply self-tanning creams (unless Goth)Look in shops for a new outfit (just in case you see one youlike better than the two you bought last week)
The day before;Sort out the clothing you are taking into pilesThe clothing you are wearing on a hangerAll other items hidden, so that your Victor Meldrew husbanddoes not say "Do you think you are taking that lot for twodays!"
The day of;
Face pack, condition hair, shave armpits and legs, applymake up with no mascara (to avoid panda eyes on the way ingale force winds)Try to pack 10 tops, three pairs of jeans, 3 sets ofmatching underwear, toiletries (as above), towel (the sizeof a small country) into small bagText mates to see if they are taking hairdryers and/orstraighteners as you realise you have gone over yourallocation baggage allowancewhole body, get dressed putting on extra layersof clothing that you could not fit into small bagPut extra items you forgot to pack into coat pockets
Men;
Put tent on bikeTake toothbrush if longer than one nightMoan at woman at the amount of luggage she is taking for twonightsPut on 'Rally' pants, club t and leather vest
Go...
Of course those apologies to all women who are lowermaintenance and men who are higher...
Getting ready for a Biker Rally - The difference between men & women • Opuss № I