thewriter
????????????????????????? So this is what 'writer's block looks like'
If it's zero degrees today and tomorrow is supposed to be twice as cold, what will tomorrow's temperature be?
Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?
Never confuse your career with your life.
Always speak well of your enemies - after all, you made them.
The bigger they are the harder they hit!
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong!
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
Most of us know a good thing as soon as someone else sees it.
What's ET short for? Because he has little legs.
What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? One of them is organised.
No matter who you vote for the Government always seems to get in.
Artificial Inteligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!!!
Is French-kissing in France just called kissing?
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
Why is it called Alcholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'my name is Bob, and I'm an alcoholic?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
When Eskimos sit on the ice for too long, do they end-up getting Polaroids?
Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
If I save time, when do I get it back?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What do people in China call their good plates?
We know the speed of light, but what's the speed of dark?
If you try to fail but succeed, which have you done?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk in the garage?
If someone with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation??
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How can you identify a person using their dental records? If you don't know who they are, you certainly won't know who their dentist is!
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the Earth?
How do 'keep off the grass' signs get where they are?
How comes Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
I've just finished my latest invention, a device for looking through walls! It's called a window.
I've invented a new gadget for speeding up work on production lines - its called a whip!
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
If corn oil is made of corn, and vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what's baby oil made from?
If Polish people are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If someone with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
They say there is a lot in a name, but tell me was Cilla Black, was Barry White, was Marvin Gaye?
Why do people without watches always look at their wrist when anyone asks them the time?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a sell-by date?
Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If we're here to help others, then what are the others here for?
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one dies.
Why do toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp?
If we're here to help others, then what are the others here for?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
How come a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance?
Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why can't a woman put on mascara with her mouth closed?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?
Why is there only one monopolies commission?
Why is there only one monopolies commission?
If a man stands in the middle of a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Can a half-wit work part-time for NASA?