31 January 2013
It's been a long time since I've felt a sadness like that. I haven't felt grey and hollow for many months. And this surprises me. I have struggled with inner monsters and dodgy heart strings and a whirring mind for a few years, and this winter has passed a little easier than most. I moved my bed underneath the window, and all winter I haven't shut the curtains so as to absorb the maximum amount of daylight possible. I have cut all the poisonous people around me out of my life like a big scrap book. If they make my life awful then I don't need them in it. They're gone. Goodbye. I have taken walks to beautiful locations like the frozen ponds and woods behind my house. And I think I have managed ok. In the winter time my aunt died. The ghosts carried her away and she's resting now. And I dealt with that. I managed. I did it all without pills. Now Spring is coming. I can smell it already. And see the nodding heads of snow drops. I'm over the worst of it. I'm over Winter. I can already see the sun. It's sad sometimes, this little life of ours, we scurry along like ants in jobs we hate, with people we don't like, and somehow we have to buckle our boots on and just get on with it. I don't know how I have managed to do it, but I feel strong. I am strong apparently. And that's a nice feeling. I miss my aunt. I hope she's ok wherever she is. And I miss my living friends. I need to write them letters and send them messages and pull on their hair and hug them. Because they're precious. And we have to take part in life. It carries on even when you don't. So you have to make the most of the time that you have been given.
Beating Depression (?) • Opuss № I