What is it

It just sounds to me like you need some time to work out exactly who you are, and once you truly accept yourself, that's when you will also be able to let other people in, and feel less 'cold hearted'. Do you have someone who knows you inside out that you can talk to? It would be much quicker to do if there's someone you trust enough to tell everything.

@tgriffiths42 There is someone... But I just need time to find myself like you said. My parents split up trying to find themselves in this world, too. Thanks for taking time to help me collect a plan. I'm just unsure.

That must have been hard to go through; have you ever told anyone how that made you feel? Because, I may be totally off the mark, but that sounds like a perfectly justified reason to go into a repression. It might not be this, but if you actually voice your emotions - even just to yourself - that might help you to know what to start understanding.

I've tired to gather my thoughts. I've tried telling people... but it turns into a regretful disaster. I think I have a speech impediment. But i have to think before i act. i need to realize what I do, find myself, and find a happy vibe. I've set a path.. "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

Good quote, I live by 'Ockham's Razor' which suggests that the simplest solution is usually the right one. Try standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself the things that you haven't admitted. Don't say 'I'm upset and hurt, I'm scared, or I'm cold hearted', say 'the reason I'm hurt is...', 'the reason I'm scared to let somebody in is...'. Can I ask why it's a regretful disaster when you tell people? Also speech impediments are in my family, I have a very small one when I get flustered, so I know what that's like - the key is to take a nice deep breath into your stomach, relax, and let the words fall out naturally. Also, happiness is just a by-product, don't go searching for it, let it find you, and then work out what things you did to cause the happiness. If talking to others is difficult, you can just talk to this screen if you want, and maybe this screen will listen and post a reply, but only if you want it to - it can always just be an outlet for you to voice things you can't normally say.

@tgriffiths42 I could never thank you enough. I will try what you suggested. You've been a huge help... wish you were my brother! I feel as if a weight just floated off my shoulders..

@tgriffiths42 it's a disaster because I start to look at things deeper than they see. I don't think before I act and my social appearence becomes bleak. I start to love them for helping me, and I shouldn't.

@trickoftheeyes you're very welcome - any time I can help! And in that case, it isn't a disaster, you just need to realise that what you actually feel is affection and caring. It's an extremely powerful bond when two friends genuinely care for each other, and do whatever they can to help them, but love is different - love is something much more powerful than you can understand at the time. The thing about caring, too, is that you can let them in and let them help, and all they need in return is a smile and to know they helped. Would it be safe to say that you worry that you fall in love with people, but don't think it will last/end well?

@tgriffiths42 Maybe it's because I love abs cherish them down to the core of my heart :)

@trickoftheeyes in that case, it is never a bad thing, just make sure you fight to keep them in your life, but that they also fight to keep you in theirs. If you both fight in such a way, your life is already so much more complete than many others' lives.