22 September 2012
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...ugh being pissed off so early really sucks. This time of year really gets me in the dumps though. It's not necessarily caused by stress from school, it's caused by my parents which is because of school. I suppose that's why the winter is always the worst part of the year for me and why I completely lost myself last year, because school is in full swing by then and the pressure is harder than ever, which causes my parents to be...themselves I guess. It's mostly my mom though that drives me over the edge. She gets too involved in my schoolwork...she makes my issues with school her issues. If I'm stressed over the three tests that I have to take the next day, she's stressed too, but not only stressed, she's also telling me that I should consider dropping a few classes and study harder and talk to my teachers...that's not what I need to hear when I'm stressed. In fact, I don't want to hear anything. I suppose I'm just bitching, but again, I'm pissed. I really got into it with her yesterday. She meant well, but at the time it sounded like she didn't think that I was capable of succeeding in all the classes that I take. It sounded to me as if she was discouraging me. And our argument was each of us literally repeating the same phrase over and over again; it was a circle. She was saying that I should keep my options open, consider dropping a class. I was saying that I can handle it, that I'm going to do well and that I don't want to drop anything. Of course this argument was with yelling and back talking and threats.... We weren't really listening to each other...we have bad communication. And we're both stubborn. But anyway, although this argument seems stupid, it really gets to me every time. There's enough factors in the world pressuring me to just say: fuck everything I'm not going to go to college. Why bother trying when it only brings me stress?? And when she's saying that I should lighten my load, it reinforces it for me...idk if I make sense. Maybe I'm still too pissy to make sense. Either way, I'm mad because of all of that stuff. I'll stop whining and study now...show her that I can handle my school shit just fine.
Peace out :3
Fighting • Opuss № I