11 February 2013
I met my fella yesterday. The snowstorm prevented us from meeting on Saturday so we met on Sunday. It was not an entirely fun day.
My friend and I hung out for a few hours and it was awesome. Then we met up with my fella in the Apple store. That's where our fun GNO ended and where the un-fun, scary time began.
I was heading for the Apple store when I saw him go inside. I literally wanted to die. He just became too real.
Well my friend sent me off by myself to go up to him and I sucked up my fear and just nudged him from behind and said "hi" and then he looked at me and smiled and I freaked out and started walking around the table that he was at. He refused to hug me until I calmed down, but the pressure to calm down made me more nervous. I kept fidgeting with my scarf and basically avoiding him. He resumed messing with the iPad mini and glancing up at me, smiling, as I freaked out. My friend eventually came up to us to rescue me and made conversation with him. I was still shifting and moving around (I couldn't stand still) and I occasionally joined in on their conversation.
Eventually I calmed down a decent amount that I was able to stand still but I was still fidgety. I was making conversation but minimal eye contact. I got too nervous looking at him. He is so cute and his eyes are so green.
After about an hour of being in the Apple store I begged to leave because I was hungry.
As we were walking out he grabbed me into a hug from behind, scaring the shit out of me. Then he let me go.
And so we walked to the bakery, coffee shop place. I desperately wanted to touch him so I put my arm through his but then I wasn't sure if he wanted me to touch him, so I pulled my arm out and just walked beside him.
And then we were in the coffee shop place. And the two of us sat at the bar and he started rubbing my thigh, but not in a sexual manner. I think he was trying to make me feel more relaxed.
His hand was on fire.
And then his fiery hand touched my bare knee (damn ripped jeans) and I flinched and pulled away. I was so nervous. Then we moved to a table to accommodate my friend. I sat across from him.
He tried playing footsie with me but I pulled away.
Then when we left and were outside I tried (awkwardly) giving him a hug. He was holding coffee and didn't return it. But when he threw out his cup he pulled me into a long hug. And then we started walking toward the subway.
He hugged me as we were walking and kissed my cheek. His face was rough.
The subway ride was awful. I wanted nothing more than to hug him for balance instead of hugging the pole, but I was too scared. I just watched him make small talk with my friend.
Leaving the subway station he took my hand in his, but I got too nervous and pulled my hand away.
Out of the subway and heading for the train he grabbed me into another hug while walking. He pressed his cold nose to my forehead and mumbled something that kinda scared me. It sounded like "I love you" but it could've been "I like you." I wasn't sure what he said so I just stayed quiet and leaned into him.
And then he let me go and we were walking side by side again. It literally killed me that I wasn't touching him. I looped my arm through his again but I wanted more. I slid my hand down his arm until it was by his wrist. He passed his phone to his other hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. It was weird. Altho he was holding my hand I didn't feel like he was holding my hand. His grip wasn't tight enough. I so badly wanted to feel his touch.
He kinda bounced when he walked though. He is so cute.
When we got to an intersection though, he let go of my hand and touched my back, urging me forward alone. The last block to the train I was too scared to hold his hand again.
He has really lovely hands. Long, manly fingers and clean nails. I think I'm obsessed with his hands.
At the entrance to the train station he pulled me into a hug, his face lowering to mine. I knew he wanted to kiss me, I could tell. Every time he hugged me I felt his face lower to mine, but every time I just shoved my face into his chest to avoid his lovely lips.
But this time, the last time he hugged me, he actually asked me for a kiss. A New Year's kiss since we weren't together on New Year's and since we (or at least me) haven't had a kiss at all this year.
But me, being scared, I shook my head "no" into his chest and said that I couldn't kiss him, I would melt.
I honestly would've melted though. It's too bad because I really did want to kiss him.
He let me go though and then hugged my friend who didn't really want a hug. Then he kinda joked around with us but I didn't know what he was saying, I was too distracted by my own thoughts and fears. I don't even know if I acknowledged what he was saying.
But then he bid us farewell.
I became really sad.
I texted him when I got home because he has a knack of making me feel better, and I was (and still am) feeling lousy about my shyness preventing me from doing what I really wanted to do.
2/10/13
Meeting My Love Blog 17 • Opuss № I