30 December 2012
I am such a sucker..
We decided on Friday night to not talk at all on Saturday because I felt that I was getting too attached too quickly. Well lemme say that not talking to him has not helped me get "unattached" at all. At all.
I don't have school right now and so I'm not busy, giving me ample time to think about him. Oh brother, like...I thought about him a lot...
And because he was on my mind he was the one that I called yesterday...breaching the agreement.
I had an...issue with a friend that I haven't been getting along with lately. And I texted my other friend for comfort, but she was critical and she just made me feel worse. Then they both ignored me, making me feel bad for something that they did...that wasn't completely my fault...it takes two to tango you know?
So anyway, I was really sad. I felt really alone and stabbed in the back and stupid so...I called him. Crying. I still feel stupid for having done it although I don't regret hearing his lovely voice as he comforted me.
Did I mention that I like him?
He was so sweet...he just listened to me blab, not making any sense whatsoever. That's one of the things that I really like about him. He gets so quiet when I talk.
But my embarrassment and shame aside, he made me stop crying like a little bitch, which was nice.
He insisted that calling him did not mean that the agreement is over...we still wouldn't talk unless I wanted to, considering that I was sad. But I didn't text him afterward, instead I watched music videos about love and loss and all I could think about was the heartbreak or sadness or anger or whatever bad feelings that come from falling out with someone wonderful. Those feelings are going to be inevitable with him.
I really like him.
I spent the rest of the night counting down to midnight (because I had nothing better to do), at which he claimed he was going to text me. And he did text me...at exactly midnight. I was expecting like a "how are you?" or a "good night" kind of text. But no, this guy had to freaking send the longest text ever.
Basically it said that he did not enjoy the 24 hours that we did not speak together and some other lovely stuff that makes me unsure whether he is full of complete bullshit or he's serious. His text seemed very solemn and serious. There were a lot of periods. But because for the whole day I was wondering if he's messaging other girls on the stupid online dating site, if he's talking to other girls in his life where he lives, if he has a reputation for being a cheater... And we're not even dating! We're friends! That are attracted to each other...so I shouldn't care about that stuff, right?
I'm so confused. So very confused. And I hate that I'm so hung up on him. But there's nothing that I can do about it other than wait for him to fuck up.
Online Dating Blog 6 • Opuss № I